It's late Thursday afternoon and I am at home tippy tapping at the lap top.
This week has been a hard one. Work wise it is very stressful this time of year and we are so very busy. Sometimes I think I am not doing my job but then remind myself that in the past five months we have turned over what we did in the previous twelve months, if not more. So, it is no wonder I have been feeling overwhelmed by the paperwork and office processes. Monday and Tuesday were particularly difficult but my brain was so tired it helped me sleep for two nights almost straight through.
I have not exercised much the last ten days and can feel it in my head. It's full of thickness and anxiety. Tonight I cannot go to body pump as my son has an end of year concert at his school. I really need to exercise at least five times a week to keep calm but for some reason I have just allowed myself to back off a bit. Still, tomorrow I will do something. And the weekend will give me some time.
My niece came around to talk about moving in after Christmas. She has to tell her mother (my sister) and that will be a bit of a hard thing as my sister will be upset that B won't be moving in with her. But the practicalities are that I live near B's work and my sister lives an hour's drive away. Plus, sometimes kids do not want to move back in with their parents. B is 32 years old so I get that too.
So, we are packing things away to make room for her. I am selling a couple of bookshelves that I really do not need and my son will be a very, very lucky young man as he gets to hog a corner of my studio.
On Wednesday I went to the dentist to have a crown put on one of my back teeth. It is a two part process. Right now I have a temporary cap on while the porcelain one is made and in two weeks I will get that fitted. Anyway, it's a horrible thing having a crown done. A big fat injection followed by his hands, the dental nurse's vacuum and drilling in my mouth. I was very anxious in the first few minutes but applied my meditation skills the best way that I could and just thought of nice things to take my mind off it all.
When I was first there the dentist explained to me that when I get the porcelain crown put on I won't need any pain killers. He will just flick off the temporary crown, blow the exposed tooth off with some air and then put on the new crown.
You know, I can recall the last time a dentist "flicked off the crown". I nearly leapt out of the chair with the pain of it and was so traumatised by the experience that on the way home I stopped the car and vomited in the gutter.
So I said to the dentist:
"Sure thing. Here's what I will do D. I will hold your testicles in my right hand as you flick the crown off my tooth. I'll squeeze so that whatever pain I feel is transferred to you. Then we won't hurt each other will we?"
To which he replied;
"I think you'll need an injection".
Ah, it's so nice to make things very clear. Although, I probably will try to avoid an injection. It's not much fun being fat lipped for two or three hours afterwards. I'll be brave. And keep my hands to myself.
You must think I am terribly familiar with the dentist to even say such a thing. I have been going to him for 24 years so we have had some funny conversations. Well, he has talked to me as I lay there with mouth wide open. Very one way. One time he told me about how he had to get his prostate checked. He was so worried about the experience that he actually went to three different doctors (under the guise of some vague thing) so that he could check out who had the thinnest fingers. Seriously, I kid you not. It was very funny and I almost choced on the dental nurse's vacuum as he told me.
So, I think that after that bit of self disclosure from him I can say anything I like. Besides, I have a most unfortunate trait of saying things without thinking whether or not they would be considered appropriate. It's like I just don't get certain social taboos.
My son is going through a rather rude phase at the moment. He is a bit negative and argumentative. I am sure he is feeling very hormonal as he told me that he gets angry for no reason. He can be eating his breakfast and just feel really angry. For Christmas he has asked for a boxing bag so that when he gets angry he can use it. I think it is time for him to look for more diverse things to do in his life and challenge himself. Part time work will help and he needs to start looking so I will help him with that.
This weekend he has to mow the lawn. He's of the age where he physically and mentally needs to do things that are not about his enjoyment only. It's about learning life skills. I don't want him going into the work force being a useless git. We see them all the time at work, it's really quite sad for them.
I am looking forward to the Christmas break when I can wind down and just not think about work.
Two weeks of zoning out.