When I was at primary school we used to have a thing once a week called 'Show and Tell". Kids would bring in some sort of random item and stand up in front of class and talk about it.
One year, maybe when I was about ten years old, the headmistress decided to have for "show and tell" a girl come into class to show us an injury that she got from walking into a glass door.
Seriously, that was show and tell for the day. The girl had stitches all over her arm and elbow. It was quite ugly but also exciting to see. The headmistress thought we might all benefit from this girl's visit and, in future, be very careful about walking near glass doors. It always stuck in my mind the pursed lipped expression on the face of the headmistress as she peered at our upturned faces over the top of her glasses as the wounded girl related her tragic door story.
Anyway, when I think about it, it must be hard to impress kids these days with simple things like an arm injury. After what they see on television and the internet an arm with a few stitches would be very passe indeed. Maybe someone has to see an autopsy in class to get a few raised eyebrows.
Today I was reading an article about narcissistic motherly love. I think that means when a mother thinks the sun shines out from her child's botty and that the aforementioned child is, in fact, the most incredible looking being that ever arrived on the planet.
I did think my son was a rather cute baby when he was born. It took a few days though. I mean, he was a bit ugly in a way. Not fugly ugly, just sort of "popped out of the oven" kind ugly. But after a couple of days he settled.
At the age of about three months old he really was a gorgeous looking boy with peachy cheeks and a lovely twinkly smile. He was always happy because I always picked him up every single time he cried so essentially he was at adult height for the first twelve months of his life.
However, at the age of about six months old I realised something that I hated to admit. My son looked like Alexei Sayle who is a British comedian. Now, that's okay to look like Alexei when you are Alexei but when you are six months old and look like that it is quite a different matter.
At the time of this realisation I had some photos of my son taken at a shopping centre. You know those crappy ones where the kid is wedged in a box to make them sit up and smile.
When I got the photos, put them up on the wall and saw the resemblance I said to myself "that is one ugly kid" and they were taken down a short time after. The last thing I needed was someone questioning the paternity of my lovely boy.
Actually, the photos were pretty grim.I know mothers should never be heard to say that their kids have had ugly moments but mine did and I have photos to prove it.
By the way, I actually do think Alexei Sayle is a rather gorgeous looking fellow these days. He obviously outgrew his awkward phase.
As we all do.