Strange Tree

This is my favorite picture. And the poem. I look at it every day and have done so for a long time now.

I love it so much that I am actually going to get it tattooed on my upper left arm. Quite large.

That's right. I am getting a tattoo. On March 18th.

I am guessing most people are shocked and possibly a bit disgusted that anyone would "deface" their body. That's okay. I can understand those feelings.

My father had tattoos. On his arms. He got them when he was in the merchant navy. A young man out on a drunken night with friends. I grew up thinking tattoos were normal and okay. As I got older I realised that, to other people, tattoos had a negative tone to them.

But I love them. I see them as body art. Ownership. Expression of oneself. I have thought about getting one for at least 25 years. I did not get one for a couple of reasons. My husband was not keen and was of the thought that a tattoo on me would make him feel differently about me. The other and most important reason was that never in 25 years did I ever see anything that I would have considered exactly what I wanted.

Then, one day last year, after looking at literally thousands of pictures, I came across the one that hit the very spot. The one that made me say "that's it" with absolute and utter certainty. My heart filled with the joy of this awareness. It was then that I expressed to my husband how strongly I felt about it and he understood and both he and I knew that no matter what I did, he would love me just the same.

Some people say "what about when you get wrinkly and old" and I say that by then I really will have bigger things to worry about. Others ask about the pain and will I cope and the answer is "yes". Because I am doing what I want. I am told that people will think poorly of me but I know that those who know and like/love me will feel just the same about me. Everyone else can have their own thoughts. I know who I am.

My son thinks it is great. Will this make him get a tattoo when he is older? Maybe. Maybe not. I doubt it though. By the time he is older tattoos will be out of fashion. One thing he knows is that it is important to not make these sorts of decisions when young and impulsive.

In my mind, that girl is me, that tree is a friend and I love it more each day. When I think of finally getting the tattoo I feel like a circle is about to be completed within me.



Away beyond the Jarboe house
I saw a different kind of tree,
Its trunk was old and large and bent,
And I could feel it look at me.

The road was going on and on
Beyond to reach some other place.
I saw a tree that looked at me.
And yet it did not have a face.

It looked at me with all its limbs
It looked at me with all its bark.
The yellow wrinkles on its sides
Were bent and dark.

And then I ran to get away,
And then I stopped to turn and see,
The tree was bending to the side
And leaning out to look at me.”

Elizabeth Madox Roberts

“Voices of Verse, Book Three” edited by Harry Flynn, Ray MacLean, and Chester Lund. Illustrated by Marion Humphrey’s Matchitt. Lyons & Carnahan, 1934. This particular book was for Room III, Grade 6 of Assumption School in Eden Valley, Minn.

Ciao

LC

Piles

The photo below is of my disgusting desk space. It's temporary and has been for the past two years. We will be moving into very swishy offices in two months. I think the move times with my trip to the US and I won't be able to help (so sad about that - not).

Anyway, I get to work each morning and the desk is tidy - my standard of tidy that is. I just work like a little robot sorting out the minor crap from the major crap. There is always some dreadful point where the major crap just, well, craps all over my desk.

Today was one of those days. I arrived at work and the mail was piled neatly on the desk. If there is one thing I hate it is opening mail. It takes ages and rates very high on the boredom scale. Plus nobody collected the mail for a week so today it was extra hideous.

It is one of the necessary evils in an office.

Open each boring envelope, look at boring paper that comes out of it and then give a shit. Supplier invoices, mindless bits of information from where ever, bank statements, more invoices, other bits of stuff that make me go "sigh", more things that bore the shit out of me, another invoice, invoice, statement, invoice and more blah blah blah.

This all joins with yesterday's pile of stuff I did not quite get through and then at one point I make the fatal mistake of sorting things into smaller piles. Many piles. Piles that don't sit neatly and then slide into the pile next to it. Then I forget what pile is what or even if I had a pile that relates to the piece of boring paper that I am holding. So I start another pile.

Then someone comes in and gives me more paper which needs its own pile. So another pile. Then I think that I should put the piles into little plastic sleeves with neatly printed labels to make the piles look more organised. So I start that and try to add those piles to the other plastic sleeved piles from earlier in the week which I have kind of forgotten about.

It is during this sorting that I am fully aware that I have no idea what is going on in my desk and I wonder if anyone else is aware of how completely out of control I am at the point. It is possible I have said the 'F" word a few times during my frustrating efforts to be organised.

So I get up and think that maybe a cup of coffee is in order and as I walk over to the doorway I look back at my desk and see this vision.

I think it speaks for itself. Chaos.

So much for the paperless office.

It really is enough to give me piles!

Ciao
LC

Wednesday 29th January

Today is a public holiday. Australia Day. Not something I celebrate in any way apart from having the day off. I cannot say I am a patriotic, flag waving kind of person. Perhaps because I am first generation Australian and thus was subject to the racist bullying that went with that in the 1960's. I am not sure that the Aborigine's of Australia would want to embrace the whole Australia Day thing. But that is a whole big story on its own.

Last night I went to sleep listening to the rain on the tiled roof. I can hear it through the vent in the ceiling and it sounded like little feet running around.

K and S were asleep. House was silent. As I lay in the dark I realised that these days, with K not doing music and all, there are not so many moments for me to be completely alone expect for the short period of time before I go to sleep. It is, on the whole, okay. But it dawned on me as I lay in the dark silence of the room.

But for me, being alone too much is not really the best thing. A bit more time would be good, but too much just allows me to nestle back into my own headspace and exclude others. Today, K and S have gone out to have some lunch together and I have an hour or so to do some blogging in the quiet of the place. When I say quiet, I don't just mean silent. It is the quiet that comes with having no other people around.

On Sunday I had no computer. How hard was it? It was very hard. I woke up with anxiety and had bouts of it throughout the day. The morning was started with one hell of a stair climb up the hills not far from my house. Kokoda Steps. My husband, a fellow Oxfam walker and myself did it twice. It is only today that the pain from that climb has settled enough not to make me groan when I get out of the chair.

When I got home from the walk my first impulse was to go on the computer but I didn't. I did get emails on my IPhone but did not reply or anything. They just came and I ignored them. I realised how often I use the computer to look up things. And how often I use it as some sort of avoidance tool.

So, I did some more work on my painting. It is a long way from finished but I am happy with it so far.

I practiced some water colour painting and put it in a frame just for fun. I bought eight of these large frames and will do a series of water colours and hang them above my bed. The frames were reduced from $80 each down to $7.50 each. A bargain? Yes. But perhaps the shop who sold them at full price was just trying to shaft everyone who paid for it.

I also bought six smaller ones but not sure what to do with them yet.


I went outside today and noticed how my tree has suddenly become huge in the backyard. I remember buying that tree when my son was a baby. It was like a small stick with a mop on top of it. Now look at it. Just growing so beautifully. I love how it hangs over the studio a bit now. When I look at that tree I am reminded of the passing of life.

I also started to sew a skirt. That pattern and fabric have been sitting in the cupboard for ages and ages. On the pattern it said that I could make it in under one hour. What a lot of rubbish. However, I will finish it this Sunday. Maybe even finish it tonight.

So, what did I think of having no computer on Sunday? Hated it but loved it and will do it again this Sunday. It made me very productive and creative. That is a good thing.

Today I have had to bring some work home to do. Public holidays are all well and good but they to make the work week around it pretty tough. I have had a particularly blech two weeks and yesterday I came home with mental fatigue. Overall, work is a good thing. It fills the week, provides social interaction, provides money and helps me focus. I would be bored out of my brain if I did not work. The saying "idle hands are the Devil's workshop" comes to mind when I think of not working. I just know I would be a most difficult person to have hanging around the house all day.

Before I start the work I think doing a blog would relax me. I have done my big exercise session of the day so won't have to do one tonight. As unenthusiastic as I am about doing the work this afternoon I am just doing to make tomorrow at work a bit easier.

With that realisation in mind, I am now going to finish this blog, go out to the car and get my work and just do it.

Ciao

LC

Groan

I SO @#$%^&* HATE WORK TODAY.

Oh

I have been inspired by a Facebook friend (and fellow blogger) to try for a "no computer" Sunday.

So, after this I am turning the computer off (and IPad) and won't put it on again until Monday.

And that means no IPhone internet either.

It will be interesting.

Ciao
LC

Where I Work

This is the view that I stare at each day. It is lovely. However, we are building new offices way out the back and the building I am in now will be pulled down. But I will still have a great view, just a different one.
This is the view standing across the road from my work. The building is behind the big hedge was over where the work cars are parked.

This is looking up the other way. The street is long and usually not this quiet. This is also a view of my finger.

Across the road from work is a golf course.

Everyday, rain, hail or shine you can bet there will be someone playing golf on it. There is always the sound of parrots and other birds.

This is me working out how to take a photo of me with the Iphone.

Then a thought a smile was in order.

The day was warm and sunny when I left work and headed home.

My IPhone is fun.

Ciao

LC

Not Perfect Rant

Sometimes I wonder if the media is out there to make us feel inadequate on purpose. I would like to think that there is some good in the media but deep down I think it is all just a ploy to get people feeling worse about themselves than they already do.

Take the lunch box photo above. This came from an article about what you should be putting in your child's lunch box everyday. If I put that in my son's lunch box everyday it would come back. Every bit of it. He would not eat it. Believe me, I have tried to put that stuff in his lunch box and he did not eat it. I would not eat it either by the way. Too hard in the middle of the day. Chew, chew, chew. A few hours in that box at the bottom of a school bag would make it disgusting. Even with an ice pack. He likes the same thing every day. Ham sandwich on white bread with no butter, Up an Go breakfast drink, home made cake and some crackers. That is it. If we put lettuce or carrot in there, home it could come.

So, with this article came a whole lot of comments by everyone. And you can bet the "perfect mother" brigade were out in full force. Not only did they go on about the uber healthy contents of their child's lunch box, they then slagged off every parent who dared not do the same. Really, really nasty lot. Crikey, must be great to be so wonderful.

Then along in another article came the usual talk about how to be healthy. Blah, blah and more blah. Out came the fat bashing brigade. The people who talk about how wonderfully healthy they are, how easy it is to lose weight. All about energy in and energy out. As though they are the bench mark for all of society. Nasty, nasty, nasty lot. Not a shred of kindness or compassion was shown.

Guess what. It is not easy for some people to lose weight. It is not easy for some to put on weight. Sure, people might find overweight people not their cup of tea but why be poison about it. Why not do everyone a favour and use a bit of tact. Show a bit of kindness.

And another article about make up. It talked about the reasons behind why women wear make up (this was after a study of 65 women by the way). Needless to say, out came the poison pack who NEVER wear make up and think that women look better without a load of slap on their face. Men and women alike. Trolls.

A while ago I was at book club and talk got around to make up. I am the only one who wears it out of the six of us. One girl said "oh, well, I only wear make up for special occasions" and she said it rather archly as though she were somehow holier than thou for resisting the urge to cover ones "natural beauty". I said "every day is special and so I wear make up every day".

I could go on and on. Somewhere along the line people have forgotten that there are about 6 billion people in the world and you can bet there will be lots of ideas about what is right for everyone.

In theory, everything is soooooo easy.

The fact is, we would like things to be easier but they are not always going to be.

Human beings are imperfect. We create problems so that we can solve them. Years ago the basic problem was survival so it was find food and shelter or die. Now there are a whole lot of other problems that we are constantly reminded of (just in case we decide to maybe enjoy life for what it is - kind of hard and confusing).

I am having a blog from work because it is Friday and I am putting off doing something that is very fiddly and uninteresting.

A Friday Rant.

That is perfect.

Ciao
LC

Monkey

There is nothing about a monkey in this post. I am watching an Australian movie called The Black Balloon and there is just this really poignant scene where the word monkey is used.

Anyway, no matter. I am just doing a Sunday evening post and watching the movie.

The weekend has been good. I started a big painting. It took ages just to make myself stand in front of it and draw the design. Then a bit of painting started. I should have done more today but I was tired. Slept late. Read the paper. I don't know what else. I think I made the bed and did some washing.

Last night we went out for dinner. People watching down in Acland Street which is fun. After dinner we went down for a walk along the beach. The weather was lovely and there were lots of people around.
We went for a walk along the pier. I used to come here as a kid but things have changed. St Kilda used to be just a grubby beach but now it has become a bit gentrified. I'd like to live around here but I don't think I could talk the others into it just yet.

All along the beach the council has turned it into a great promenade. A lot of cafes and restaurants back onto it and in the warm weather the day extends into the night as the people congregate and enjoy the atmosphere.

Below is a photo of me doing a bit of painting. You can see there is a lot more room in here than in the studio. I can stand back and see what I am doing which I need to when doing a big painting.

To tell you the truth, I am really flying blind when I do a painting. I have no training of any sorts so everything is guess work. I have a great book on mixing paint so every colour I do is mixed from scratch. I never use premixed colours. The grey is not black and white. It is white, red and a bit of blue.

By the time the painting is finished it will look very different to what it is now. Most of the blue will be covered and the overall appearance will be much darker. But it may well change as I paint. Because I am not experienced or particularly good at painting I don't have technical skills and sometimes have to change things as I go. But that is art anyway isn't it? A learning process.

Yesterday I said to my son that he had to have a shower. He said sure. I thought to myself how obliging he was. Then, he went straight into the office and sat at the computer.

"Hey, I said you were to have a shower," I called out to him.

"Mum, you can say what day I have a shower and I shall tell you what time I shall have it," he replied.

Is that compromising at work?

Today I had to go food shopping. My husband came with. Now, I want to try and explain how I feel about food shopping as a couple. I hate it. When I see two old people food shopping together it freaks me out. It always has and I am sure there is some really deep rooted reason for this feeling. Just because I feel it, it does not make the feeling right, but I am allowed to admit it.

I think it is something about the fear of codependency. Or the natural fear of getting old and having to have help. I don't have a problem with getting old per se. It is just a weird thing of mine.

However, because it was not that long ago I could not even go food shopping, my husband just had to do it. Now I am slowly getting back to some sort of normal head space, I am able to do it more often and sometimes he comes with. Tonight I was walking around being all prickly and agitated and really making him feel about as welcome as shit on a shoe.

As we walked around I mentioned this couple we used to know who were never, ever apart. Seriously, they did everything together. Finally I said to my husband that I did not want him and I to be like that and start making this some sort of permanent thing, us food shopping together. You know, like matching pepper pots or something.

I need not have worried. He was of the same mindset.

I think what has happened is that over the years I have been spending a great deal of time on my own and now that my husband has given up music and is spending a load of time with me I am finding it a new thing to get used to.

Trying to get the balance without feeling my personal space is being usurped. It is not a personal thing, it is a head thing. Thankfully I have a very understanding husband.

When we were shopping I bought myself a treat.

Very expensive toilet paper infused with aloe vera.

When I got home I put it in my bathroom.

Not sharing it with anybody.

Ciao

LC

Friday, January 14th

It's Friday and I have the day off work.

I will take my son and his friend to the movies and while they are watching it I have some very boring shopping to do.

Last night the weather was unbelievable. Heavy rain and wild storms shook the house. This weather has made its way down from Queensland which is where the devastating floods are happening right now.

We have had the television and news on a lot watching what is happening in regards to the floods. It is hard to imagine if you have not been there, but to have almost 75% of that state flooded is unbelievable.

I feel sad for everyone who is affected.

My mother and sister live up that way and their town was the first to get flooded. Fortunately their street was not. Even now they are having problems getting fresh food, milk and other supplies. They have had long periods of no power. The rain is falling non stop and nothing dries. The practicalities of daily living are significantly impacted.

Some of the flood water is receding in parts but just building up in others. Homes have been totally destroyed. And of course, lives lost. In one town there was just suddenly an eight metre high wall of water descending on the town. If you click on this post by Midlife Journey you can see in the videos the great force of the water.

When the water recedes people will eventually be able to make their way back to homes. The filthy mud and debris will have filled the homes and streets. Up in Queensland the weather is humid right now so things will not dry out. There is a high risk of disease.

Many towns will not be able to accessed by road for weeks on end and will be relying on food drops.

It is like a post war disaster, will cost billions of dollars to clean up and years to recover. The salvage operation to clear the tonnes of "stuff" that has collected in one area just beggars belief.

Putting aside the personal loss and grief of this disaster, there is going to be an impact on economics. Insurance premiums will go up, fresh food (much of which is grown in QLD) prices will rise, people will lose jobs, some people will get jobs and goodness knows what else. It is just mind boggling.

I don't know. It really is unbelievable.

Good things come out of bad. Or so I am told. I imagine it must be hard to pull that thought into your head if you are up there. But people are doing good things to help each other. This is maybe when people just get into the community spirit and find that eternal desire to help others. I love that about the human spirit.

When things like this happen I am reminded of how easy it is for something to happen that will change peoples lives forever. That we are so co-dependent on each other in society. That we have a huge infrastructure that we live within and when things go pear shaped everyone is in shock. Thankfully people are resilient and survival is very strong impulse in us all.

You know, we kind of get stuck in this daily routine of life. Focus on ourselves a great deal. I mean, we have to really otherwise how can we live properly. None of us can live life thinking about the suffering of others or we would be bogged down by sadness. But when something like this happens and you are part of it I imagine that all that "shit" that you worried about will really be "shit" when you compare it to what is really important.

That is not to say anyone's "shit" is not valid. I have plenty of my own to ponder. It just means that sometimes it might not be as bad as you thought. Or maybe it can go on the back burner.

I think that is when the word gratitude comes to mind.

Or something like that.

Ciao
LC

Question

I want to know why someone at work thought it was okay to start the dishwasher last night when it only had one glass, two teaspoons and a plate inside it.

But at the same time, left a pile of dirty dishes in the sink.

Maybe they thought a big pair of hands would come up from the dishwasher and wash them.

Ciao
LC

Back To Work

I am back at work now.

Well, not right now as I type this. It is Wednesday evening and I am plonked like a yonni in front of the tv with my lap top on my - lap.

Monday was the day of reckoning. Back to the daily grind. It was good to be back at work though. That little weekly routine that pays the bills. I have a good job so it is not too awful to go back.

On day one I came home with a brain like mush. So much thinking after two weeks of not thinking much at all.

Tomorrow we are celebrating coming back to work by going out to lunch.

At work we are building a new office and factory at the rear of the land that we are currently on. It will be a great change because we are crammed into a small office. Sometimes there are five of us in there working plus tradesmen coming and going to talk about things. Today I went into the kitchen to get a drink of water and there were four sweaty tradesmen sitting in there having lunch. Because it was hot and humid and the cooler was not on, the air was thick and stinky.

When I arrived at work on Monday, the front of the place was completely dug over. There were piles of soil everywhere. Deep trenches with pipes being laid into them. Then it rained non stop and I had to be careful where I walked to avoid being ankle deep in mud. Today was very bad with the rain and mud. I watched the boys walking around outside working and they were all covered in mud splatters. It was so tough to see that I had to go and make myself a coffee.

Today I got home and checked my emails. There was one from the Ritz Hotel in London. I signed up for emails from them in 2008 after booking in for an afternoon tea that we would go to when on holiday. Since then I have been getting regular updates on what there is to do there.

The emails are so gorgeous and tempting. If I were a very, very rich person I would gladly make my way to the Ritz Hotel for a jolly good weekend every single weekend. However, since one night there (with dinner and all trimmings) is about $1600 it is highly unlikely I would make it. Plus there is the air fare. Essentially, when it comes to that level of self indulgence my income could never sustain it. So I read the emails, look at the website and go "sigh".

We have hotels here that do a lovely High tea. You can just stuff your face for a couple of hours. Little cakes and biscuits. White bread sandwiches filled with delicious things. Cups of tea. Or coffee. Hot chocolate. All served to you so graciously. For me, it is nice to try once. I don't eat enough to make the most of it. One cake would do me. But the tradition of afternoon tea is lovely. I hope it is a constant because having a cup of tea out of a fine china tea cup is the loveliest thing to do after an afternoon of shopping.

The other day I bought a big canvas and put it on the easel in the studio. I then realised that there really is not enough room in there. It is not feasible to stand in a tiny space and paint a huge painting. I need to stand back now and then and get perspective of what I am doing.

So today my husband moved the easel and canvas into the house for me to work on. I dropped some material on the carpet to protect it and I can paint in a good space with lots of natural light. It seems a good thing to paint inside the house for me. I love the studio for reading and doing smaller things but I like the idea of being able to listen to the sounds of the television and life while doing a painting.

Well, that is it for now. Just a general blab.

It is almost bedtime and because I am not sleeping in now I really have to go to bed on time.

Oh, there was one more thing. The other day we were out and my son was talking to my husband and I and he just said the word "shit" in the course of the conversation.

I opened my mouth in surprise. You know, it is one thing to drop a clanger but it is quite another to actually hear your own son use such a word so casually.

"Oh, sorry. I forgot I was not on Xbox," he said and started laughing. He has not done it since.

I would have had a belting for using that word in front of my parents. It was kind of nice that my son just laughed and apologised. That is how it should be.

But it was funny when he said it. I did laugh.

Ciao
LC

Friday January Something

It's Friday.

The last Friday of my holidays.

I have enjoyed my much needed break. I think my batteries are recharged enough to get straight back into work on Monday morning.

This time last year we were overseas on that big wintry trip. You could say it was a holiday but the reality is, it was a bit like work. Enjoyable but not particularly relaxing. A relaxing holiday would be if I were laying on a beach at a tropical resort.

The thing is, for me the best type of holiday is when I stay at home for an extended period. I just like hanging around the house with the odd pleasant event thrown in.

I have slept in a lot. Stayed in my pj's until midday. Read the paper. Pfaffed around on Facebook. Tidied my bedroom. I have really only done what I wanted to. We have eaten out a lot. I bought some clothes. Did a painting. Bought another canvas.

You know, just hung around.

I do love this time of year. That bit before Christmas and then the couple of weeks afterwards. Here in Australia it is the big holiday season. Children are on school holidays and the roads are quieter. It's kind of a lazy time of year.

My son has been an absolute sloth over the break and that will continue to be so until about a week before school is to start. He sleeps in until around midday before emerging from his dark room and into another room to play Xbox or of into the office to play on the computer. About a week before his new school year starts we will get him into bed early and try to get him back into a school routine.

My husband and I are pretty liberal when it comes to our son doing his own thing around the house. When my husband was growing up he never had to do anything around the house except make his bed now and then. When I was growing up I had to do everything and anything. Interestingly my husband is much more organised around the house than I am.

So, with just two precious days left of my "time out" what is planned?

A doctor's visit first thing in the morning. Then I will start a new painting. If it is too hot in the studio I will bring it in the house or the paint dries too quickly.

On Sunday we have a BIG 30 km walk as training for the Oxfam Trailwalk will start in earnest. I have bought a pair of trailwalking shoes with specially fitted inserts and I now have no shin or hip pain which is a great relief for me.

Sunday night will be an early one for me.

The photo in this post is one my husband took of me when we went out for our 20th wedding anniversary on Tuesday night. We stayed in the city at a swishy hotel. Out for dinner and then watched the movie "Shutter Island" which was absolutely fantastic. Woke up and went down for breakfast early in the morning.

We were home by 9.00 am. What an old married couple we are.

So, that is my holiday drawing to a close.

And yesterday I saw Easter Eggs in the supermarket.

Ciao

LC

Lazy Talk

This morning I informed my son that we had to go out to the shops to get him a pair of casual shoes. He won't wear runners with cargo pants. He tells me it looks stupid.

Needless to say I have to tell him more than once to get in the shower. And each time he has something to finish.

Finally, he must work out that I am borderline shitty and schleps into his bedroom to get his clothes for the day.

We then have a conversation that goes like this:

Son: You know dad's shoes that I have worn. Well, we can just get those. Don't have to try them on. Just go out and get that size and that's it. I can stay home.

Mother: No, you are not getting shoes without trying them on.

Son: Okay. Do I need to take socks with?

Mother: Yes. I can carry them in my bag. But you need to take socks.

Son: I don't have to put them on. I can just, you know, put my barefoot in the shoe and if it fits that is fine.

Mother: Listen, you have to put a sock on. Stop trying to minimize body movement.

Son: Okay.

How lazy can one get to not even want to put a fucking sock on to try on a pair of shoes.

Oh, I just realised, he will have to try both shoes on. Which means he will have to put a sock on each foot. Should I prepare him for that?

I then recalled this post and realise it is not going to get better.

Ciao
LC

Posting Time

I have had a bit of a fiddly day since getting back from the airport.

We had to take the Christmas tree down and all the decorations. It took the two of us an hour and then the festive cheer was once again stored up in its usual place until next time.

Then I spent ages on the lap top sorting through the truckload of digital photos that I have stored on there.

Not sure about you but since the digital camera came on the scene our photo albums just stopped filling. I have done one holiday photo book with the pictures from our 2008 overseas trip and am half way through a photo book for the last trip. But apart from that all I have is fifty squillion photos just sitting doing nothing.

So today I went through them one by one. Deleted out of focus ones. Deleted doubles. Deleted stupid ones. Deleted pointless ones. Deleted the mountain of Ebay shots of bike and car bits.

After that effort I was left with forty squillion pictures to deal with. I backed them all up and will back up onto a second hard drive and then delete them from the laptop. That is my plan for now but not sure yet.

Now I am making a 2010 photo book in which I will just load all the best pictures I took in 2010 (not holiday ones) and get it printed as a book. I can make little comments in it about things. It is a bit time consuming but I like projects like this.

While I was looking at the photos I realised how I have changed in the physical sense.

Am talking about my decision to let my hair go grey. Well, you know, groovy grey. Today I pulled my hair back in a pony tail and went "huh?" when I saw just how light my hair was. Then I went "hmmmm" when I saw the photos from only a couple of years back.

There is no denying it, dark hair does give an air of youthfulness. But it is interesting to note that despite that fact I am not going to go back to dark hair. Had anyone told me years ago that I would go embrace going grey and risk looking older I would have said no way.

The photo below was taken in early 2008 when we were overseas - almost three years ago. Hair was pretty dark. I think I look a younger but then I realised one crucial thing.

I am younger in that photo. So, it is to be expected that I would look younger. If I had grey hair in the photo I would have still looked younger than I am now so big deal.

Even though I sometimes feel that wistfulness that goes with the realisation of physical changes that are part of aging, I also feel the understanding that to wish for lost youth is nothing but a pointless waste of time.

All this ties in with the whole birthday thing and maybe the arrival of another New Year. Makes me think of the surreality of time.

Tomorrow my husband and I will celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary. Now that makes me think of time and wonder where on earth it has gone.

When I look at photos I see where it has gone.

When I open cupboards and take out a cup I have had for ten years I see where a bit of time went.

Opening a drawer and seeing some bits and pieces that have been sitting in that very drawer for years is another bit of time.

Looking out the back and seeing the size of the tree that I planted when my son was six months old. More time.

Laying in the antique bed that was once someone else's. More time and not just my time. Part of another person's time.

When I sit on the leather couch that now has the aging patina that happens after then years of being used. More time.

So that is where time has gone.

In drawers, cupboards, photo albums, the garden, the mug, the couch.

It's gone everywhere.

And it isn't coming back.

Ciao

LC

The Cake Shop

It's Monday morning.

About 10.30 am and I am sitting at the kitchen bench.

The ducted heating is on as, despite being midsummer here, the day has started off chilly and I hate being cold.

I was up early so that my husband and I could drop my sister off to the airport. She likes to be extra early to avoid anxiety.

I haven't had a shower yet. Just got dressed because if there is one thing I cannot seem to do, it is get ready quickly. So it was easier to just get up and get dressed. I'll have a shower later.

For Christmas my husband gave me a Norah Jones cd and it is playing right now. Her sweet and melancholy voice is lovely.

On the way home from the airport my husband and I stopped at Acland Street to have a cup of coffee. We went into a cake shop to have it. Not just any cake shop. One of those long established cake shops that have seen changes for decades and decades and inside time has kind of stopped.

It was lined with bookshelves on one side and on the bookshelves were magazines dating back to the 1970's. Architectural ones, arty ones, political ones and fashion magazines. Stacks of magazines that would take the reader through the many eras of modernity. A reminder that everything old was once new.

The floor was a dark timber well worn to a pleasing patina thanks to many feet that have walked over it. Spare walls were covered in framed photos of people who might have been once well known but were just dated faces to the young customer coming in to buy a coffee or cake.

Chairs and tables were mismatched. The owner was behind the coffee machine making coffee. He was wearing a t-shirt and tracksuit pants. He said hello to what seemed to be a stream of regular customers.

He knew how to make a coffee. I have a strong coffee and too often it is burnt or bitter. He made it so it was just strong and full bodied. The top was slightly creamy as should be with a latte and he had fashioned a heart shape on top as he had pulled the jug away after pouring in the hot milk. Perfect.

You could see way down to the back of the shop where the kitchen was. It was clean but very dated. Nothing was happening down there but it had the look of readiness for the day. As we were about to leave I saw the chef coming in and tying his apron while he read the cake orders for the day.

I bought a slice of kugelhopf cake to take home. I tasted some while I was having coffee. The chocolate and yeasty flavours melded together and reminded me of what I love about the traditional European cakes. So rich and tasty without being too sickly.

We drank our coffee and read some magazines. Watched people come and go. The atmosphere was genial and friendly. We stepped outside and headed back towards the car. Being early in the day the street was so quiet. By lunch time the place would be jumping with backpackers, families and couples looking for a relaxing day out. Then the atmosphere would be different to what is was this morning. The coffee shop would become crowded and the locals would head back home to their own places.

It was like a time was just hovering around for a while while it took a rest from racing.

It's those moments that make me feel at peace somewhere inside I cannot explain.

As though I found a brief reprieve from the hurly burly of the day. Took a step out from the rush of life with a few strangers.

Just hung out for half an hour in time suspended.

Must be a magic cake shop.

Nice.

Ciao
LC

A Day At The Zoo

Today was a big day out.

It started with my husband and I going for a 15km walk along the beach path. We started at 7:15 am and finished it at 9:15 am which was great. No aches and pains for me since I spent a small fortune on trail walker shoes, special socks and specially fitted orthotics.

Since it was the last day my sister was going to be here we decided to do a real day out and went to the Werribee Open Range Zoo which is about fifty minutes drive from our place.

I have never been there so it was a new experience for me.

Although a very large amount of people were visiting at the same time, the crowds were dispersed throughout the place.

After having lunch we made our way to the bus which would drive us around the place. My son had the camera and took many of the photos out of the window of the bus.

Below appears to be a two headed ostrich.

There is a good breeding programme going on at the zoo and a few Rhino's have been born there.

The zoo is a holding place for male giraffes. They all get on well as the tallest one is the boss. I like this photo. It looks so family friendly.

Some zebras. There are a few pregnant ones.

Everyone coming off the safari bus.

Some signage pointing the way to see the animals.

I like the way they have done the landscaping. Focus is on reintroducing native plants as in Victoria alone there is only one percent of natural vegetation left (or so we were told).

Nice photo of my son. He and his friend really enjoyed the day.

Family photo at the meerkat enclosure.

Some little curious meerkat's. They really are very "take homeable".

As the zoo specialises in the "African Plains" animals they do put a lot of effort in to give the place an African feel. Not that I would know having never been to Africa myself. But they have these little huts scattered around the place.

During the warmer months they have African music playing on Saturday nights which is very popular.

The walk to the hippo enclosure was made up of a series of little walkways through reeds. The reeds are actually part of a filtering system for the waste that the hippo produces. The hippo normally lives in a river which means flowing water takes away their "poo". At the zoo they do not have a river so the water is flushed through a reed system that traps the waste and then the clean water goes back to where the hippo's reside.

This is so effective that the reed beds now have a large frog and bird life it is supporting. This system is also used in some new eco housing that is being built in some places.

Picture of me by the hippo enclosure.

More photos.

My son and his friend having a play. Never too old for playing.

Below are two photos of some things I bought there.

The zoo supports fair trade items.

The marmalade and the lime pickle are made in Swaziland by the local women. It has no presevatives, colourings etc. and costs the same as a jar of quality jam here.

Below are items made by women in Kenya.

Not only are they extremely beautiful they also provide income to people in different villages.

Also, there is a special relationship between the zoo and the people doing these beads. The zebra population in Kenya has dropped due to the introduction of goats for farming. In return for making the beaded items the people stop farming goats. Last year the zebra population in that area doubled so they are doing it again.

You can read about their efforts here.

So, that was our big day out.

I am actually a little bit tired now and will be ready for bed very soon.

Tomorrow my sister heads off and we have to get to the airport by 9.30 am to drop her off.

Then I have to rest of the week to myself.

It has been a good break so far.

/div>

Ciao

LC

New Years Resolutions

I thought I might take up smoking as a New Years resolution.

Just kidding.

My younger sister smokes. Not much. Maybe five a day at the most. Sometimes none. She thought she might give it up while down here and was quite okay for a few days but had to head up the street for a "ciggy fix" this afternoon.

It was either that or a "piggy fix" with food.

Anyway, I just could not resist getting her to take a photo of me. I think I look rather uber cool in that shot.

This afternoon we were watching Rear Window with James Stewart and Grace Kelly. You know the Alfred Hitchcock movie from the 1950's.

Well, during the movie I could not help but notice how everyone smoked. And drank. Not a wine either. A scotch or a brandy. There was a great bit with Grace Kelly laying across the bed wearing a beautiful black dress and a cigarette in her hand. She looked gorgeous.

But I kept thinking how her breath would stink. Or her fingers. And her hair. And that she would have to hang her dress out to air.

How things have changed.

I did smoke a bit many, many years ago. Not much. Never at home. Just at work during a break or perhaps if out. A 25 pack of cigarettes would last a week. One time I went to work and when I opened the cigarette packet I noticed my husband had written on them things like "stop smoking or you will die" and "don't smoke, it stinks".

One day I just thought "hmmm, I will have bad skin if I keep doing this" and I just stopped. That must be at least 16 years ago.

Even though it is a stinky habit I can still recall the pleasure of a coffee with a cigarette. The crackly sound of the cigarette as it was lit. The smell of a freshly lit one. I can appreciate the addiction but have no desire whatsoever to try it out (except for a photo shoot).

With today being the first day of 2011 I have to say that I don't really have any New Year resolutions. I don't get them anyway. They should be called New Year wishful thinkings. That is what they are.

I have had resolutions. In this post I had about ten of them. I think I have given up all of them. Since then I have come to realise that I am what I am and the more I try to do all these small changes the less likely I am to do them. Although, keeping the interior of the car clean has been sorted with the fortnightly detail it gets at work.

Today was one of those hanging around the house days. I actually used the vaccum cleaner for the first time in three months. That is not to say my house has not been vaccumed. My husband has been doing things. So, I did some cleaning because I had the urge. The place was dusty and needed a bit of attention.

It is so hard to give a shit about housework isn't it? I mean, how utterly boring is housework. I don't believe anyone seriously enjoys it. I know people like it after it is done but the actual doing it is just so uninteresting I could go insane. And I know we all have to do it and it is a part of life but blah blah blah to that. It is like getting older. I know it is a fact of life but I intend to whine about it as much as I can.

Tidying up is another thing that is boring. But you have to do it or things get lost and the place looks really messy. I can understand the need to do that.

Once I had a person come in to clean the house once a week. It seems all very good but we had to tidy up before she came which was just annoying. Then three days later it just seemed as though she had never been.

After about a year she got a bit meagre with her efforts and I worked out that to have her clean my house for one year equated to two overseas airline tickets and that was that. I mean, really, what would you like? A trip overseas once a year or a clean house? I know my answer.

Now, speaking of holidays (airfares) we have booked our next overseas holiday. We are going for a ten day trip to the US in April 2011.

Just seven nights in New York and four nights in San Francisco and then home. A short trip because of my school obligations we have to work around. We are actually staying in Brooklyn after deciding it would suit our style of holiday. A few friends who have been to New York have said "why stay all the way there" but we figure we just like to do what we do. I am pretty excited as we have never been to the US so it is all new.

I haven't anything more to write so I will stop writing after this.

Or this.

Or maybe after this.

I think I am bored.

Might go and have a ciggy.......he he.

Ciao
LC

New Years Eve 2010

I am home tonight. I know people get out and about on New Years Eve but I am an utter bore and stay home. We did talk about taking a train into the city to see the festivities but the weather is about to change from stinking hot to high winds and possible rain and the whole thought of being amongst tens of thousands of people is just so unappealing.

Actually, the thing is, I have no idea what people do on this night as a rule. Last year when we were in London we had a rather disappointing time. I did a post about it here. I always think New Year is one of those things that you think should be good but is usually very dull.

Oh, there was one rather good New Years Eve which I put in this post. But those days are behind me now and the thought of having a pash with a stranger on a street is a bit germy for my liking (oh, and I am now married so that is another good reason not to lock lips with strangers).

For years and years my husband has worked on the eve but this year he is also at home. He is pretty pleased because he would have had a job at the local RSL (Returned Services League) these days as opposed to the music gigs twenty years ago at some ritzy hotel. Besides, he just wants to hang out with the family these days.

So, sitting in my rather warm lounge room with a thumping headache seems to be the thing for the night. Watching a bit of mindless television. My son is playing Xbox, my husband is in the office and my sister is sitting on the couch about three metres away from me playing with her laptop.

Is that the modern family?

Today my husband, sister and I went to some local shops to just look around. The temperature was about 42 celcius and the air was like the oven door was open and all the heat was blasting on my face. We meandered in and out of a few highly overpriced antique shops before escaping into a cafe with air conditioning where we had a lovely lunch. Later on I bought some heavily reduced clothes from a funky shop.

It was aimless but kind of nice. I finally feel relaxed in that way that happens after being off work for a week. But there is one little thing that has been making me feel a bit agitated.

And that is my sister.

I love her very much. Don't get me wrong. But another person in the house upsets my whole routine. Plus she is loud. She uses her outside voice all the time and then I have to use my outside voice. Yesterday, when my niece was with us, all three of us had to use our outside voices to be heard by each other. It was very loud and gave me a headache. Then yesterday my brother came around and he used his outside voice and there was lots of tension and I was kind of pleased when he and his family left (is that mean of me?).

So, what happens is that when I have my sister around me for too long she actually shits me. In fact, I have a confession to make which suggests I am a closet bitch. When I booked her ticket to come down I initially thought it would be great to see her for six nights. Then I thought that I would actually really find her annoying for that long so I made it for five nights.

She has Bipolar2 which is also called soft bipolar. She takes mood stabilisers and it helps greatly. She thinks I should go on them for a variety of reasons but I just say that I will go by what the therapist says. She says I would be very hard to live with because I need things "just so" to prevent anxiety triggers. My husband thinks I am great the way I am, difficult and all. I feel a bit pissed off that she thinks that of me because I think I am pretty good actually.

But I love her anyway and she is pretty funny and we are able to talk our way through any tension.

Before Christmas my husband and I upgraded to an Iphone 4 each. I need one like a hole in the head but I have to confess that I am officially in LOVE WITH MY IPHONE. Yes, it's true. I love it.

I have downloaded all sorts of stupid apps. Apps that fart. Apps that make my face look hideous. More farting apps. Then I sit and play with them and laugh until I almost wet myself. My niece is of the same ilk as me and we just press fart buttons non stop. My sister thinks it is not that funny but my reaction to the fart noises is funny.

I also downloaded that app called Words which means you can play online scrabble with friends. So I play that during the day. I have had to stop playing at 11.00 pm to make sure I do not get woken up (as happened).

When I talked about the Iphone with J at work she said "Linda, the phone will change your life. You will love it". Okay, it has not changed my life but I do love it. Even my husband has admitted it makes using a mobile phone lots of fun.

And that's me tonight. Pressing fart buttons on my Iphone. Playing Word with my niece and hairdresser while they are out partying. Watching some television and making random visits to the pantry and fridge. I could even hang out a load of washing.

I might crack open a bottle of plonk and have a glass or two.

The end of the year is drawing to a close over here and a new one will kick in.

No resolutions needed. Just going to take each day as it comes and enjoy just being who I am.

Happy New Year.

Ciao
LC