Work Week

I am about as interested in work this week as I am in making a scuplture out of nail clippings.

And, no, these are not my nail clippings.

Mine are in the garden bed just near the back step.

Ciao
LC

Stinky Son

Last week my son went on a school camp.

He was away for two nights and three days.

I packed clean underwear, clothes, toiletries and a towel for him.

He came back Wednesday and it was not until Friday I got around to completely unpacking his camp bag.

Upon unpacking I discovered that he had not showered nor changed his underwear.

I spoke to him in about it, just wanting to clarify the fact.

"Listen, did you not shower on camp?" I asked him.

He replied with a series of eye rolls and shoulder shrugs.

"And, is it true that you did not change your underwear. Not once? At all?" I questioned him further.

"Nope," came the reply. He had the good grace to look a bit sheepish.

"You are disgusting," I told him (doing my utmost to not laugh).

"But I changed my socks each day. My feet were stinky," he said, as though to reassure me he was not a complete pig.

Yes, he did change his socks and then put the dirty ones straight in with the clean clothes to ensure a complete transfer of stink onto everything so I had to wash it all anyway - clean or not.

At least he is starting at his feet. If he just keeps working his way up the body eventually he will decide to change his underwear by, oh I don't know, by the age of 18?

Ciao
LC

The Pill

The other day there was a anniversary that many people would be grateful for.

The 50th Anniversary of The Contraceptive Pill.

The pill.

It allowed people to control when they would have children and how many children they would have. Women could enjoy sex without the fear of pregnancy. Men could too I suppose, but when it comes to pregnancy it does all fall onthe woman so the pressure was taken off them.

Women were able to consider having careers instead of being compelled to marry rather than have a child out of wedlock which, many years ago, was unacceptable. Heavy periods could be regulated.

Women had choices. Big choices and lots of them.

I don't need to go through the oooh's and aaaah's of all the good things that arrival of the pill brought with it as, by now, everyone knows.

Do a few negatives go with the advent of the pill?

Women may have felt compelled to say yes to sex. Once on the pill then a woman may not have felt right to say no. Perhaps men felt a sense of entitlement. I mean, if she wasn't going to end up the duff then why should she say no?

An increase in sexually transmitted diseases. That is not just about the pill by the way, but by using the pill as the only contraceptive it reduced the use of a barrier (condom) and let the sharing of std's be a more likely event. I think that if you were to not have a regular partner then the pill is not enough is it?

In particular is the increase in chlamydia that can leave a woman unable to have children later in life, at least not without assistance. Sadly, this STD has very negligible signs and treatment can be too late once it is discovered. And there is herpes, the lifelong STD that can affect someone greatly or not at all. Contracting an STD is not a reflection on the morality of the person either but it can certainly make a recipient of one feel awful.

I worked with a female once who was going on holiday with a guy she had just met only weeks before hand. At the time I thought it was a bit impulsive and asked her if she was going to use protection. She said "yeah, I am on the pill". This was during the days when Aids was still a new thing. I said 'what about std's" to which she said "I don't have to worry, he is a nice guy"......! STD's are not fussy about who they bed with.

There are health issues for some women who are on the pill. If you smoke and take the pill there is an increased risk of stroke etc. I mean, there are health risks with everything and in modern society we have to sometimes take the risks to live a normal life. I myself have never been able to go on the pill so for me it was always resist, panic if resistance failed or use condoms (despite having a latex allergy). Ironically I ended up having to go to IVF to have a child anyway which is nothing to do with the pill but was kind of funny considering how I wanted to avoid pregnancy for so many years.

The advent of the pill took away any sense of responsibility that men may have had about contraception. It was all left up to the women.

The pill has certainly not reduced the number of abortions that occur. In this day and age of many sources of contraception it is still confronting how many abortions are still performed here in Australia. I don't have a moral issue with abortions by the way but I believe that it is a difficult thing for a female to have to go through considering that it is almost avoidable.

Nor has it slowed down the population growth around the world.

There still needs to be a strong education not just about preventing pregnancy but teaching girls to be unafraid about insisting on using contraception. They need to know about sexually transmitted diseases and how to protect themselves against them. And boys have to take the same level of responsibility. I know I am being naive about all that, but if we don't try then nothing will happen.

Not that I can do much. I can only teach my son and hope he learns from it all.

I think the benefits of the pill far outweigh any negatives that go with it. And most likely some of those negatives are more about the education of young men and women rather than the pill per se.

It is one birthday I think that society can certainly celebrate.

Life certainly changed for many after it was invented.

I think for the better.

Ciao
LC

Sunday May 9th

Sunday was Mother's Day.

I had a lovely gift given to me by my husband and son. An original edition of a newspaper from the day I was born. When I opened up the package I was so surprised. And pleased. As I looked at it I noticed how aged it was and said something about it looking old......

We had a day out of the house. Headed of to a place called Ballarat where they had a heritage festival. The drive is about 1.5 hours and a nice opportunity to get away from the suburbs of Melbourne.
It has been a long time since we went for a long drive outside of Melbourne. When I was a child we seemed to always be going on these sorts of drives to quiet towns. You would go on for ever passing flat, dry, brown swathes of land with the odd gum tree standing on its own sucking some life out of the unfriendly earth.

In the past years a lot of that unforgiving and windblown land has been sold for housing development. Awful places with terrible infrastructure for transport and social conditions.

Anyway, as we drove along my son listened to his music as he sat in the back seat of the car. My husband and I listened to my music. Music from years ago when both of us were single. My husband used to play music all over town. He was out and about five nights a week. Leaving one venue to go and see a band playing late somewhere.

I kind of missed out on that really free and single life. Not sure what I was doing. Possibly spending most Saturday nights at home watching ABC tv. So I was free and I was single but I was also a bit of a boring stay at home kind of gal.

Ballarat is a pretty town with beautiful buildings. They were holding a heritage festival which was great in theory but in reality was a bit lame. Poor signage made things hard to find. Lots of cafes were closed and the few that were not closed did not want to serve up anything but coffee at 1.30 pm when we asked if they had lunch. We finally found a place that was willing and able to serve up some decent nosh.

As we drove into Ballarat I noticed all of the lovely old houses that lined the streets everywhere. Melbourne used to look like this before development just ate all of the places up, one after the other, to be replaced by very ugly dwellings with no character at all. I was a bit shocked when it occured to me just how much the landscape of Melbourne has change.

They probably should not have held the heritage festival on the Mother's Day weekend as many people would have been visiting their mother rather than go for a long drive.

There were some great vintage bikes to see.

It was nice to get away from the house. Sometimes all work and no play can make for a very dull person and I needed to get out.

The drive home was quiet and my son fell asleep in the warmth of the car. I looked out the window at the changing scenery. I thought to myself it would be nice to go on a driving holiday to nowhere and just listen to music. Just cruise along to unknown places with aimless intention.

Got home and made dinner.

Then baked some very delicious monte carlo biscuits. I made a double batch so that I could take some to work. Although easy to make they are time consuming. I always substitute the honey with golden syrup as it gives a better flavour.

The end result was good. My son ate three before he went to bed and two this morning after breakfast (on the sly).

Then I sat down and watched my very, very favorite show on television.

Foyle's War.

It was a lovely end to a restful weekend.

Ciao

LC

Hawthorn Tram Museum

Today we went to the Hawthorn Tram Museum.

Years ago this depot closed down and Melbourne almost lost its wonderful tram history.

Thankfully good sense prevailed and we now have a small but important museum that shows the wonderful trams that once road up and down many roads throughout Melbourne.

The museum is run by volunteers. Most of them would be ex employees of the once thriving tram depots around Melbourne.

The photo below shows S standing at the narrow doorway where the tram driver would step through to the start of his day. As you can see, there is not much room for a wide berth if you know what I mean.

I love the wooden doors and seats. The smell is great.

I love the leather strap handles hanging down in this small cable tram carriage. Beauty and practicality always seemed to go hand in hand years ago. Now it is all practical. Not so much aesthetics, but maybe I am old fashioned.

The style of tram is the one I remember the most. I used to travel on them when I went into the city. They had a lovely rattly sound and a great smell about them. Chilly in winter and stinking hot in summer. But they looked great.

Look at this one below. Gorgeous seats. Even the roof is beautiful.

Here I am taking a photo. If you look in the reflection behind me you will see a leadlight panel which gives the tram a personal touch.

Below is a cable tram from days of yore that once made its way through the streets of Melbourne.

Another great tram now in storage for ever.

Up until the 1960's many of the trams ran at night. Midnight until five in the morning. Not these days.

Here I am trying out for a tram driver's job. I think that it is not my thing as I laddered my tights on some pointy thing in the carriage.

Now we have modern trams. Slick and quiet with heating and cooling.

We no longer have conductors. They have been gone for ages. In fact, they were laid off about the same time that train station managers were done away with. As a result people feel unsafe on the train stations at night and there are often violent episodes at unmanned stations. With no conductors on the trams, women with prams are often unable to get on board.

There has been a system called Myki which is an automated train ticketing system. Around $1.5billion dollars has been spent on it and we still have major problems with it.

I wonder if it might not have been better to keep the conductors and station managers? They hand out tickets. They could have kept their jobs.

Oh, I am probably being old fashioned hey?

Not keeping with the times.

Not being modern enough and embracing change?

Anyway, we had a lovely time there and it was great to jump on all of the trams and pull the cords to make the bells ring.

You can never convince me that these trams are not the best way to make your way around the roads of Melbourne.

Ciao

LC

The Son

We have a few computers in our house.

No sharing of a computer. No fighting to use one.

Because we are all into computer activities it just makes life easy to have one each. Of course that has evolved over the years. Not as though we went out and bought three.

Anyway, my son has his own computer.

To prevent my son from "accidentally" landing on inappropriate websites I have installed a programme that lets me govern what he can and cannot see on the internet. My main concern is hard core pornography and violent and graphic sites.

I also have the programme automatically turn the internet off from 5pm to 7pm Monday to Thursday to kick him off and remind him that homework is to be done. Or just to give himself a break.

Anyway, it works pretty well. I don't want to have to make the restrictions an issue and he knows I set them to protect him. I mean, if he just stumbled on the odd nekked girl in a pouty pose I would not be concerned, but we all know what is out there and we all know that, especially when it comes to the developing minds of young people, it is best to keep things out of their head.

The other night I was doing bookwork on my husband's computer and he was on my son's just chatting to me.

"Hey, S has been on porn sites," he suddenly said.

"Really? How is that possible?" I asked.

I had a look and sure enough he had been visiting a few websites. Not many, but a couple of over the top ones.

I jumped on his computer and logged onto the K9 programme to see how it had happened. Some things had been changed (banned word searches and also the default settings). I readjusted things and logged out. Then my son came into the room.

I had a little talk with him (very casual) to remind him that it is important that he knows what he sees is not always a true representation of a relationship between people.

"Yeah, yeah, I know all that but I like to look. And the kids at school said they were good websites," he said without a hint of embarrassment. I just thought "great websites"? Sheesh.

"Well, great is not the word I would use but I understand, however, as a parent, it is my job to protect you from as much adult stuff as I can. And that is not just about porn, it is also about other stuff. I have upped the restrictions so you will have to look at other stuff on the internet," I told him.

"Ah, well, you better change the password then. I overheard you tell it to dad the other week," he kindly suggested to me. At the same time he had this wonderfully shamefaced smile and rolling of the eyes.

"You couldn't resist could you, having a look while you could?" I said (trying hard not to laugh).

"Nope," he answered.

So, I changed the password. I am sure he will get to an age where he can bypass it without me knowing but for now I just do what I can. I don't want to get angry and I do not want him to feel guilty about wanting to look. I just want him to be careful about what goes in his head until he is old enough to really understand it.

The next day I told my boss about it and he laughed.

"It's a boy thing. Don't worry. You are doing what you need to and at least you can talk to him about it without him feeling awkward," he reassured me.

Then he said "I cannot believe he fessed up about the password."

Yes, well, I did think that at the time.

He must have seen more than enough to last him a while.

Ciao
LC

Coins

The other week I emptied out my coin purse of excess 5 and 10 cent pieces.

There were also a few larger coins.

I said to my son that he could have them to put into his money box.

He came over to me looking rather excited and asked how much there was.

"Two dollars and fifty five cents," I told him.

"Nah, I don't want it. That is not much," said the ungrateful child.

"Oh, really? Tell me something. If everyday for ten days I emptied my purse out and there was "just" $2.55 in it would you think differently about that $2.55," I asked him.

He thought about it and when he added up the ten days his eyes opened wide. He then scooped the coins into his hand and put them in his money box.

"There is a saying that goes "if you save the pennies the pounds will save themselves"," I said to him and explained why every cent helped.

Then I gave a long rant about just what $2.55 can buy. Some apples. A second hand book. A newspaper.

"Sometimes, when money is tight and you are a bit down about it, a small amount of money can buy you something to cheer you up or feed you. Don't be casual about coins," I went on.

Now he asks if I have any spare coins for his money box. Even five cents goes into it.

Children really do have to be taught the value of money.

It does not come naturally.

Ciao
LC

Mind Twaddle

I am in a bit of a static place right now. Just standing still and the world is getting on by without me.

When I feel like this I call it my "robot" phase. Just moving along and doing what needs doing to get through to the next state of mind. Sometimes I actually like this phase because it gives me a break a constant emotive state and lets me manage to get more things done. It tends to follow an utter state of mental chaos.

So last week I managed to get a lot done at work and just fell into the solid autonomy needed. I was not distracted by the blue sky. The grey leaves on the eucalyptus trees I see out the window did not make my mind drift into daydream mode. The sound of heavy rain on Friday did not bother me. It was just a steady week which was very welcome.

The other night I spoke to my younger sister (via MSN) about how she was going on her new medication after being diagnosed with Bipolar 2.

She said she was in the down phase of the medication now that the up phase was finished. Just moving through the day and waiting for the medication to work and her low stage to settle.

It is not the first time she has had to go with the flow as far as her depression is concerned. But it is the first time she has gone onto medication (other than anti depressants) to help stabilise her moods. Previously the medication used kept putting her into a state of hyper mania which made life very difficult, even if a lot of fun. The last "up" mood nearly saw her in the psychiatric unit recently so she knew something new was happening.

However, the fact she has been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 (a mild version of Bipolar) helps explain a lot of how she had functioned in her life.

I compare the moods of depression with waiting at the airport to get to another country. There is no choice but to wait. Just wait it out and hope the airport (low mood) is not too crappy. Read a magazine, watch people, walk around and look out the window. Don't respond to the negative emotions. Ignore the grey and black clouds that arrive uninvited and unexpected. Well, perhaps not that unexpected because over the years the whole thing develops a cycle of its own and I suppose that you just move with it.

So I have been in the "waiting at the airport" frame of mind and so much gets done. Things around the house. Hanging up pictures that have been waiting for my attention for ever and a day. Lots of cooking. I even managed to go to the giant shopping centre and get some much needed items. I just did things like a little robot. Nothing bothered me much. I just got on with stuff.

The down side of being in that frame of mind is a the sensation of indifference which, for me, is most unpleasant. Why is that? I like to feel things. Whether it be fear, anger, intense happiness, sadness, agitation and excitement. I like to feel the negatives as well as the positives. I like to engage with emotions even if they rattle me.

I would rather struggle with the whole over emotive mood swings than have too much indifference. Indifference is one of those mindsets that fills me with fear.

Tomorrow I will wake up and look out from under the bedcovers and see the sky through the bedroom window. Whatever the day looks like won't matter to me because I know that once I swing my legs out of bed and onto the floor I will go through the day moving from one frame of mind and into another.

After that I will jump into the chaotic phase and let it have its turn.

I love that, even in my own head, life is a challenge.

It makes me feel very aware and I never want to lose that feeling.

Ciao
LC

Breaking News

Truly the most amazing event has happened and I have to blog about it.

Today, my son had Foodtech at school. Foodtech is what we used to call Home Economics.

Anyway, he had to do cooking.

He cooked Vegetarian Samosas.

Inside each samosa were a mix of vegetables and spices (including curry powder).

So he made four of them.

And here is the breaking news.

HE ATE THREE OF THEM!

Yes. He ate three of these vegetable filled goodies.

What is that you say?

Why is that news?

Well. If you knew his relationship with vegetables then you would realise the magnanimity of this wonderous news.

I might ring a tabloid newspaper and see if they want to publish this fantastic news.

Or perhaps get a study grant on the likelihood of an almost thirteen year old teenager eating three samosas. I think the result would be ground breaking. It could change the lives of many people.

No?

You are right. This headline only warrants a mention in the land of Linda.

Ciao
LC

Newsworthy?

Since the creation of the Internet I have to say that what passes for news has reached the lowest of low. And that is without getting into the celebrity tat that vomits at us everyday of the year.

The standard of journalism has fallen from grace as well. I mean, if you have no newspapers selling then how will there ever be enough money to pay for good journalism, especially when the newspaper sites just poach their stuff from other news sites. Often I read something on one overseas news site and then it appears on the Australian news site about a week later.

Plus, on the morning television show (before work and school) they get their news from the Internet AND from emails sent in from viewers. Bring the cameras into my house guys and I will get paid to read from the Internet.

And just what makes newsworthy headlines? Well, here are five snippets of rubbish that made their way into the news today.

1. Australians hate paying tax. Well, and that makes news because.......................? Of course Australians hate paying tax. Who doesn't? It is natural to want to keep all even if we know that is silly. That headline is like saying "most kids hate broccoli". It is pointless and we do not need to know.

2. If you drink, smoke, overeat and under exercise then you will die sooner than those who don't. I kid you not. That was the overall result after a twenty year study on a group of people. As if we didn't know. What a case of the bleeding obvious.

3. Lack of sleep makes mums irritable. What? Gee, and that is worthy of being in the news? Is it news? Did we not know that?

4. Dogs and cats can sense human emotions such as fear, sadness and anger. This amazing conclusion came about after a study. After a study? I wonder who paid for this study to come up with that gem of a discovery. Which, incidentally, any cat or dog owner could have told you anyway.

5. People need more than just exercise to lose weight. What can I say. Who does not know that? Plus, I bet that any donut eating person knows that as well. We all know that. We may not do much about it, but we actually do know this fact.

Those items above were on the front page of the news website.

I sometimes feel like I read and hear and watch the same thing over and over. I feel that the rubbish that passes for news is so awful I fear that an entire generation of numbnuts are going to be left with the responsibility of running the world.

Read it on the Internet. Then, hear it on the radio on the way to and from work. Then, get to watch the same stuff on television when I get home.

It is no wonder that I love books.

It is no wonder that I play Farmville on Facebook.

Both activities take me far, far away to another world.

Without headlines stating the obvious.

Ciao
LC

One Thousand

Well, this is it.

Post number one thousand. I think that is a significant number. One thousand times I have just twaddled out to cyber space.

I started in 2006. Well, actually, maybe 2005 I registered and then started doing something in 2006.

Reading back now and then I can see significant changes in me and my life. My relationship with my son and husband. My relationship with the world and myself.

When I randomly read a post I have done I can recall the mood I was in and what was motivating me.

I wonder if I am happier now than I was when I first started posting? I think so. At least I would hope so. Perhaps using the word happy is not correct. I am more at ease with myself than I was all those years ago.

Happy, in my mind, is a short lived burst of joy that we would love to have with us all the time but sadly it goes as quickly as it comes. Peace of mind and contentment is what I like to aim for.

2007 was a particularly delightful year. It would be fair to say that I experienced notably happy moments that year for so many reasons.

The tail end of 2008 and a lot of 2009 was dreary and I could have done without that. It ties in with surgery and the recovery from it.

How is 2010 going?

Okay I think. I am at a new place now.

My son is at high school. His needs for me are different.

Work is now something I treat as seriously as I did when I worked corporate.

I am getting older and questioning my life and where I am going.

If I were to describe how I feel these days I think restless would be a good word. Not a bad restless feeling but a sense of urgency to do things. It is important for me to have a handful of goals to aim for and I am just working out what they will be.

I hope to be more consistent with my blogging but I also realise that may not always be possible.

It may take a bit longer to do the next 1000 posts.

What a thought!

Post 2000.

Watch this space.

Ciao
LC

Nine Hundred And Ninety Nine

Well, haven't I been utterly blogless lately.

For the past few weeks I have been doing the "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" thing.

This is the longest I have gone without posting or even feeling the urge to post. Or at least it feels that way.

Life is just busy. Work takes up a lot of my mental energy and when I get home I am quite tired. My sleep has been affected for a variety of reasons but thanks to the help of sleeping tablets I have managed to get over that hump.

I was trying to explain it all to my husband. The word overwhelmed came up. He asked me if I was overwhelmed with work, with house things, with exercise and those sorts of things. I thought about it and realised that I was not overwhelmed with doing the day to day stuff, I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that I am not doing other things that I want to do.

Things like cleaning out my fridge, tidying my pantry, pottering around in my bedroom and getting it into the peaceful state I like (rather than dumping my clothes in a pile on the chair). I have photos I want to sort through but they continue to lay languishing in boxes in a cupboard.

I want to get into the studio and do things. I have three half finished projects in there waiting for my attention.

And my blogging has taken a back seat which is something I don't like. Writing, even inconsequential twaddle, is the way I empty my head. It calms me down and I feel a sense of relief.

Being tired is the demon in a lot of this. Tired makes for a very dreary frame of mind that is hard to work through. Chronic tiredness is when I see an irrational side come through and I have to take a sleeping tablet. I cannot function on poor sleep. It is a bit of a cycle.

I don't lie in bed thinking of anything that may keep me awake. I am just not tired when I get to bed. Wide awake like a little birdie in the nest. Eventually I drift into a very light and restless sleep. Waking up a lot before falling deeply asleep about an hour or so before the alarm goes off. A pattern of this sleep style just makes for a justified stint of sleeping tablets. Today, Saturday, is the first morning in weeks I feel reasonably normal.

So of course, I am able to get up and post while the house is quiet. My son is in bed asleep at 9.30 am and my husband is doing his Saturday morning 50km bike ride with friends. I love it when the house is like this.

Last night I decided that as it was pouring with rain I would go clothes shopping rather than for a run. I am seriously short of clothing. My work clothes consist of jeans and t-shirts and when the weather gets warmer I don a skirt with tights and boots. I can fit all my clothes into two suitcases.

So, off I went to the hallowed halls of Chadstone which is a giant shopping centre the purports to be the fashion capital.....

This shopping centre is huge. And loads of the people dress up to go there. I am not kidding. Even on weekends the gals look glam. But that is not a bad thing really. Nice that people make the effort to look good when out and about.

Another thing about this place gets me. It has a lot of very stylish sitting areas scattered around the place. Modern couches and arm chairs where people sit, have coffee and chat. Sorry? What is that about? If I were going to have a coffee and a chat it would not be in the walkway of a shopping centre.

Anyway, I am digressing. Recently Chadstone had a huge upgrade. They added shops like Prada, Miu Miu, Louis Vitton, Gucci, Ralph Lauren, Burberry and Tiffany's. This is on top of the hundreds of other shops already there. These stores have security men at the door. Dressed in black suits. So inviting?

Years ago Friday nights at Chadstone were busy nights. Last night I wandered through the giant, glossy tiled floors and felt almost alone in that vast twinkly space. It was quiet. The food mall was busy though. The shops were dead. It was a very soulless place. Shopping centres are the place to go to feel disconnected.

I went from clothes shop to clothes shop looking for something that would appeal to me. Three hours I spent looking at clothes. Nothing caught my eye. The range was limited. And boring. Or, if I really love it the price was stupid. Cashmere cardigan for $500? Ah, not for me thanks. Apart from the cost I would have to handwash it. Plus I could not toss it casually in the back seat of the car. Having to think too much about my clothes is not my style.

Speaking of style lot of the clothing styles on offer looked annoying. T-shirts with wide necks that meant one shoulder was on show. Tops that had odd ties and cross over things. If I have to think about how to put on my clothes (due to fiddly design) and also have to adjust my clothes all day to look presentable I would go insane. Once I am dressed I never want to fiddle with, tweak, tug or adjust my clothing except upon exiting the toilet.

They had loads skirts that were short with pleats which meant your bum would look like a pumpkin. Long pants with high waists! What is that about? why would anyone want to add three inches to the height of their behind?

Then there were long pants with pleats which work only if you are pencil thin and have a concave stomach. Pleats = bulge. Oh, and Winter weight short hot pants that you would wear with tights and boots - if you were 25 that is. Silky things with no shape or form but looked lovely despite their impractical design. Things that would look great but offer no warmth.

Once past the youngish style there is a big step right up to the mumsy style. If you put on any of those clothes (which they call classic) you can just add ten years to your appearance.

I also noticed that there was a strong variation of 1980's fashion happening and I ain't doing that one again. Bat wing cardigans?

After a while I realised that I was just not enthused enough to continue to look for clothes and headed home.

On the way out, however, I realised that what I really would like were two new pillows.

So, after three long hours at an empty shopping centre I came home with two lovely soft pillows.

With one of those and a sleeping tablet it is no wonder I slept like an angel.

We have a three day weekend so I am going to just relax and do what needs doing without letting it get to me. I have about eight hours of easy bookwork to do and then time is mine.

I feel better already having just blogged.

Oh, why the heading?

This is post number 999.

Ciao
LC

Family Sunday Chat

Warning, utterly boring and self pitying post ahead.

Today was my brother's birthday. He and his family came around for breakfast this morning so things were a bit chaotic.

My brother has two boys. The older boy is very much like my sister in law and the youngest boy is a carbon copy of how my brother was. It makes for strange dynamics in the house. It always amazes me the personalities that children are born with.

Anyway, most people warm to the older boy because he is a boy who wants people to like him and thus is a people pleaser. It seems that grown ups just love kids who always do and say the "right" things whereas I often wonder how free the spirit of the child is if he always feels compelled to be obedient. But he is a sweet boy with a creative and quirky personality that hopefully will not change to conform with what is expected of him.

The younger boy is quite the opposite and many people, including my husband, find him difficult to deal with. He is a bit outspoken, even at the age of five, and needs a lot of attention to get him to understand how his words and actions have consequences. His personality has the makings of a bully unless it is managed properly. This does not mean he is mean, but he has a strong sense of what he perceives a "man" should be like. He is getting much better as his little life moves onwards and upwards.

I get on well with both boys but I would be lying if I did not say that the younger one captures my attention more than the other. I know that seems that I love one less than the other but it is not that at all. The younger one and I just hit it off more.

He talks non stop and that can be very annoying to some people. My brother, who is easily irritated by the incessant chatter of children, will just tell the boys to be quiet. Or should I say he kind of yells it and frightens the life out of everyone in the room. He is reactive, my brother, and has never mastered the art of chilling out and turning off.

When they all come around my son gets a bit stressed as, being an only child, he has a quiet life. The boys want his attention. They climb on him and hang over him. He is the older kid and they think the world of him and he kind of enjoys the status of being King Pin when they come around. Although he would never admit that.

So today, after a big breakfast of bacon and eggs and all the trimmings I was chatting to the younger boy.

"I want to come and live here, with you," he told me.

"Now why is that?" I asked.

"Because you have white toast and butter on it," he replied.

Ah, the secret of being popular. White bread and butter, the Sunday treat.

When he was speaking to me I looked at his serious little face with his huge blue eyes staring into mine. He looked like my brother did at that age. It was surreal.

It is a strange thing when your siblings get older, reach milestones and start to reach the age that you remember your parents reaching. You share a lot with siblings.

My son will never know that sibling thing. Sometimes I wonder what it will be like for him to not have siblings as he ages. Although, we all know that having them is no guarantee of closeness. In fact, quite the opposite at times.

I have two sisters (one older, one younger) and my brother (younger). My younger sister lives near my mum in Queensland so we speak on the phone a lot. Recently she was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and also Rheumatoid arthritis. My older sister lives fifteen minutes from me and we never speak. I see my brother all the time.

My mother turns 70 in November and I will go up to see her along with my brother. I have not seen her for about four years. Unbeknownst to her, her brother is coming from Denmark for her birthday. It must be at least twenty years since they have seen each other.

My brother will tell my older sister what is happening so that she does not feel left out. It is not that her and I had a falling out or anything, but I find her poisonous talk about our younger sister (to whom I am close), my sister in law and my boss so difficult and awkward that I just find it easier to stay away from her. My husband drops in to see her now and then. She is a web designer and has done his web page. They get on really well. In fact, on the rare times of have seen her in the past few years we do get on well enough but because I have to be so careful of what I say with her, in case I somehow offend her, I just prefer to not include her in my life.

I am not sure why I am posting all this utterly uninteresting and boring stuff. I always say things are okay as far as my dealing with the family fractures that have come and gone in my life but it is not always true if I were to really admit it to myself.

I hate that my father has chosen not to speak to me.

I hate that my mother moved far, far away from me and would never ring me if I did not ring her. I hate that when I had my son she went on holiday for three months and I was left on my own. I mean, I coped and all that stuff, but she was always there for my older and younger sister when they had their babies so why did she not make time for me.

I know that as adults we deal with and process what life throws to us. I know that we "put things to rest" or "put things to bed" or "move on" or "come to terms with" and "forgive" and all that stuff. But what we really learn to do is just accept the shit that happens and then try not to think about it too much. And then get on with the good things in life which is what is right.

But now and then, that child in us all just kind of weeps for things we do not really understand. It weeps when we get too tired to be rational. It weeps when we realise, really realise that life is short.

Maybe that is what happened today. Some sort of inner child sobbing went on.

Now I am heading off to bed I feel back to normal.

I suppose that is why I just felt the need to randomly and aimlessly post about it.

So I could offload and get some sleep.

Ciao
LC