Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Dirty Ditties

I have always had a great interest in silly limericks and dirty ditties.

In fact, any silly poems or puerile songs have managed to linger in my head years after I first come upon them.

When my husband and I first met, he was fascinated how I could reel off series of stupid poetry as well as make them them up randomly. Long verses that would ensure lots of laughing. I stopped doing it years ago, possibly part of the aging process. However, now and then I get bursts of inspiration. More so now my son is getting to the age of wonderful silliness.

Limericks are my favorite. Sensible ones are fine but if they are crude or very stupid you can bet I will be laughing uncontrollably.

For a dirty ditty to work, it has to be a bit crude without being obscene. There is a fine balance. Too rude makes you feel it has crossed a line. Smutty is fine. Combine that with humour and you have something very amusing on hand. The word "bawdy" comes to mind.

Sadly, I sometimes spend my time reading dirty ditties on the Internet and have laughed myself silly. In fact, tonight I came across a poem that was so childishly gross that I laughed until my make up ran. Tempted as I am to put it on the blog it would only confirm your suspicions that I am sometimes a complete moron.

I did email it to my husband for him to read tomorrow morning. I am sure he will say something like "must you always destroy that feminine mystique?".

Once my husband came across a book that belonged to his parents. It was full of dirty ditties from war time. I read them all out loud and was unable to get through a page without laughing. They were fantastic. I do wonder where the book is? I could do with some senseless giggling.

Today I picked up my son from school and he asked me if I knew what limericks were. He reeled off a couple that he made up and then I told him a few (keeping it clean).

We made up some more and, sure enough, the standard dropped.

I mean, it was unavoidable when a limerick starts with "there once was a girl from China".

This evening we were making up more of them. Not all of them were naughty, just plain old silly ones.

My husband brought up one that started something like "there once was a man from Nantucket" which left my son giggling away as he went to bed.

How wonderful learning something new and funny.

Once again I am reminded of the fantastic power of words.

Ciao
LC
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13 comments:

  1. Oh, Linda, we are indeed soul sisters. I love a dirty limerick or poem. And like you, if they get too dirty, they are just gross.

    I'd love to read that poem that made your make up run. Email it to me?

    I could use a good laugh today. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. RJ: I have many sides. I think this one reflects my true age.

    Karen: Now I did send it and you will have to admit it is of a very low standard.

    In fact, when I tried to read it out to my husband and son I could not get past the first two lines. Husband just stared. He found my reaction funnier than the poem.

    ReplyDelete
  3. There once was a lady named Linda
    Who thought, "Maybe I should rescind a
    Smutty lim'rick or three
    Lest my son tarnished be?"
    Then forgot as she gazed out the winda ...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Doug998:

    Dear Doug, that's so awfully clever
    I do think we could get together
    To work out some new verse
    That I could slip in my purse
    For whatever, whoever and wherever.

    Sadly, that was the best I could do today.

    Although, I do know a good one that starts:

    The Duchess when once pouring tea...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I wish you a blessed thanksgiving
    soft as silk
    white as milk
    sweet as honey
    and full of money

    ReplyDelete
  6. Izzat: Thank you Izzat. I love the lines of the verse - especially the second last one - honey being a favorite of mine.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The Duchess when once pouring tea
    Said, "I love this caffeine and it's free!"
    Wherupon she cartwheeled
    And her fate, it was sealed
    Side effects - they splashed down to her knee ...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Doug998:

    You limerick's are both very clean
    I wonder, does that really mean
    That my wit must stay pure
    And I must endure
    Resisting the urge for obscene?

    and the Duchess limerick that I read when very, very young.

    The Duchess when once pouring tea
    Did ask "do you fart when you pee"?
    I replied with some wit
    Do you belch when you shit?
    I do think that was one up to me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. But alas, it was only half time,
    And the Duchess was witty (the swine).
    "Do I belch when I shit?
    No, I burp when I spit!"
    Now I'm working on something sublime ...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Doug998:

    This Duchess you speak of so free,
    A confession I must make to thee.
    That burping and spitting?
    And belching with shitting?
    Well, I actually think I am she!

    ReplyDelete
  11. My Dad taught me this one at much too young an age -

    There once was a man from Newcastle
    Who received in the post a brown parcel
    And on it was writ
    All covered in shit
    "A present from somebody's arsehole".

    I loved the Duchess! hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  12. InvisibleWoman: Haha, I love the naughty limericks the best. Kids need to be taught limericks nice and early as it helps grasp the English language so well.

    ReplyDelete

Give me some twaddle.