Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
Have decided I am fat. Got K to to take a picture of me so I could see if I was as fat as I felt. Not too bad. The feeling was more drastic that the reality. Just shows you that all females have fat days. Here I am in the office - which is still being fiddled around with. The tradesmen took all day to put some shelves in and hang 3 doors. Really, they must daydream sometimes.
Currently feeling really unwell after every single piece of food I eat. Has been like this for days which is very dreary and tiring. Makes me lose my appetite but I still eat. Am down to the most boring food or else I vomit. Fortunately have not lost any more weight but am chronically tired. Probably worse with my period and a cold. Went for a 40 minute walk tonight which has worn me out. And finally got through all the nasty paperwork I had to.
Sometimes I have these urges to not eat at all. There is something so pure about being really, really hungry and being able to ignore it. Fortunately I never do things to compromise my mental and physical health so I do not ever give in to that thought. Anyway, if I did I would faint. I can never go more than 2 hours without a nibble on something.
Have resurrected another shitload of ironing. Hooray. It will keep me busy all week!
I like to set my alarm for 6.30 which I know is far too early but I then feel that I have enough time to wake up before I actually have to get out of bed. Otherwise I wake up in such a rush and my morning is all over the place. Then on the other hand, when I half wake up at 6.30 I either fall back asleep and wake up at 8.00 and freak or I lie there so tired but worrying about falling asleep and waking up at 8.00 and freaking. It would help if I went to bed earlier.
Went to dear old Chadstone again yesterday looking for towels. Went to five different places and ended up coming back with pillowcases. But, when I got home I remembered that the towels I wanted are not being released until 20th March and they are the new Sheridan super soft ones in the most delicious colours. So, really, it was perfect that I could not find the towels I wanted. Otherwise I would have seen them afterwards and been really, really shitty I did not get those ones.
Tradesmen are at our house today putting in the shelves in the linen press and cupboard and putting the doors on. I am very pleased that at last I will have some serious storage in the house. All very exciting.
Woke up this morning with a raging sore throat that came from K and S. Along with that is a thumping headach and runny nose. I think it started a bit on Saturday as when I went for a walk last night I was compelled to wipe my nose on the sleeve of my hoodie which was a bit disgusting - but hey, that is better than nothing.
In regards to exercise, I think I have been a bit slack this week but maybe that is because I have been a bit unwell. I feel very guilty when I do not get out and walk or do weights or something. Apart from that, I think exercise is good for the mind and body. Last night was a monumental effort to get out. Did not even put tracksuit on as I knew I would run if I had the right gear on so I walked in normal clothes to ensure I did not break into a jog. Felt really ordinary at the beginning which was made worse by the fact I had vomited half and hour beforehand. But after about 15 mins I picked up and by the time I got home I was pleased I made the effort. By the time I got home S was all snuggled up in bed and K was on the computer doing work. So I decided to just veg out and watch tv (ABC of course) rather than more exercise or ironing. Sometimes, if you are not 100%, you just have to take it easy.
Well, I only have totally boring things to say at the moment so I better sign off now before I bore myself as well as everyone else.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Have to pick up a load of boxes to pack all of the stuff in S's room and mine and K's. The rooms have to be emptied for the plasterer and painting so i guess we will be sleeping - somewhere. House is in total chaos at the moment. Although bathroom is super.
I have appalling pmt - weepy and whiney and feeling like a fat cow. But not so bad as to not spare some sympathy for T who's husband told her that he wanted out of the marriage. No warning, no giving her a chance. Just out. It is his second marriage - his first failed due to communication problems - obviously a major flaw in his personality.
Am so overdue for a leg wax - just could not be bothered with anything at the moment. Although did make the effort to go the to Solarium last night as feeling a bit pale. Sort of helped. Then had to work at Bz's and do his books. He is such a high maint client. No-one else will take him on and I am stuck with him. Oh well, easy money I think. Came home and just crashed on the floor of the loungeroom watching ABC which was rather amusing. Finally got to bed at 11.30 and was kept awake by K with his appalling cold and of course S who ended up in bed with me and also has a cold. So, along with whiney, weepy and whingey pmt I am also sleep deprived. And, one again had baked beans for lunch.
Am having a bit of success in wearing same clothes this week. Jeans have reached day 5. Socks only got 3 days - even I have my limit. One t-shirt 2 days but had to change due to food accident. Winter will be the ideal time to wear clothes five days in a row. Summer is a bit - well - organic for that.
I really need to go shopping or something. Need something to do. Shop shop shop - want something as a reward.
Am feeling a bit bored as well.
Wish I was outside in the sun. At least I am leaving at 3.00 to pick up S so at least I get to feel the warmth.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Decisions involving S are even more difficult. Maintaining that fine balance between respecting his wishes, his independence and his pride is sometimes difficult. And to take a hard line is at times a testy thing to do.
Decisions I make are usually based on what I percieve to be best for everyone all around and although I know that sometimes I seem harsh making those decisions, it is the long term benefits that will show themselves. There are times when a choice I have made has left me full questions but in the end I know that the right thing has been done.
Last night I had a dream that I have had since childhood. It is really very frightening and it usually only occurs if I am really unhappy or overly tired. The dream first happened when I was about five years old (after an unfortunate creepy incident). In the dream I am in a kitchen and my parents are two very old and very thin and ugly people. Almost like that hideous couple from that famous American Gothic painting. The kitchen is predominantly green with yellow painted cupboards and they are sitting at a green table. I know the roof is almost domed and somehow the house is actually under a hill. I look out the kitchen window and there is a giant black bear lying on the power lines waiting for me. I am so scared in the dream as I know I am not safe in the house and outside the bear is waiting. Then I am running outside and everything is huge and I am so small like a little ant scrabbling along. Looking up I am standing under a tap and someone turns it on and I think I am drowning. It is always at this part I wake up in a soaking sweat and really scared. It never changes this dream and it is always and indication of something going on deep inside me. It really does freak me out.
And my dog - has lost 1.5 kgs. I am so proud that I can forgive him for raiding the rubbish bin this morning. He is always hungry the tubby thing.
Weather is so delicious outside.
I have made a decision this week to wear the same clothes all week (outer thank you). Guys do it so why can't I?
Monday, February 20, 2006
At Chadstone yesterday I walked around for ages and tried on lots and lots of clothes trying to find something that was just right. Tops, jeans, skirts, t-shirts, boots and underwear. You name it I tried it on but nothing hit the spot. It is so strange. People always ask if I have lots of clothes now I am thinner but the fact is, I hated buying clothes and nothing has changed. But I must admit, I do have some good ideas about what I will buy when I get a day to myself. Ended up coming home with some patchwork material and ribbon. Which I expect will end up in the sewing basket along with every other non-descript piece of fabric I buy. I really do need to go through my sewing stuff. A lot goes in and nought goes out again.
I am about to put lots of stuff on ebay that I no longer want. Main things being stupid kitchen appliances. One hardly used icecream maker that my mummy gave me, one juicer that is a shit to clean and I never use and one egg cooker (I have to confess it was an impulse buy). Just stuff that I have collected and no longer need. Some fantastic bedlinen which I just know will be bought in a flash as it is so fabulous. I am going for the pristine white only bed linen so need to get rid of any other colours. Toys - unless S has something to say about it - need to go. I just love ebay. It is the best time waster and a fun way to move stuff on.
Well, today I am finishing work at 3.30 and then have to go and do some bookkeeping at my baby brother's. So another tired night. He insists on paying me which is most annoying as I like to do it for him for free. I don't think I will be going for a run tonight.
Found the whole day just so slow. I am so run down at the moment, crusty cold sores at the corner of my mouth, chronic headache and aching leg. Maybe I am overdoing it. Went for a lovely long jog which made me feel much better. Fortunately I have put on a bit of weight so I saw the scales creep up from 56.5 to 57.5 but somehow I think that is something to do with the pmt. Went for a walk along Centre Road and had a dynamite strong cup of coffee whilst I read some trashy mags. Spent some $$$ at the chemist on make-up. Have decided that Revlon is always the best make-up. I have been through them all, Clarins, Clinique, Lancome, Shiseido, Elizabeth Arden blah blah blah and Revlon always delivers the goods. On Sunday I opened my lovely and sparkling make-up box with all the new product and thoroughly enjoyed fiddling around with it all.
The one thing about Saturday is that I felt my batteries slowly recharging. I don't really know why, but I have been so mentally drained as well a physically that I was wondering what the problem was and why I could not get on top of it. I felt much better by Sunday night - very bright and much more alert. No noisy background worries. Mmmmm, I did go to Chadstone for a couple of hours - I wonder if that helped. And I did go to the Solarium yesterday - that always helps. Two runs as well. So maybe all those things do help.
On another note, K sold the MGYa which was a bit sad and, for the first time in 20 years, we do not have a classic car in the garage. But our aim is that by the end of this year we will have and Austin Healey Big6 in the garage. And that, is a classic car. One that I will enjoy driving and one that S can squeeze into so will never be left out. They really are the sexiest sports cars around. All the modern ones and the typical boring Porsche, BMW and Ferrari sports cars cannot hold a candle to the Austin Healey. They may say money but the Big6 says class and intellect which is such a beautiful statement. Not a wankers car that is for sure.
In the meantime we are converting half of the garage into a studio as all of us like to do lots of creative things and the house is just not big enough to leave a room in a half finished state of painting and jewellery making all the time.
On a final note, I just have to say that I did more IRONING last night. Three hours worth. Mmmmm, most boring thing although I did get to watch Poirot on Channel 2 which was a lovely Sunday night treat. So predictable I know, but the settings are superb and nice to watch.
Must get back to work now - am being a bit naughty.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
This morning as I stepped outside to go to work, I could feel that shift in the air that tells me Summer is ending and Autumn is on it's way in. Even though the day was going to be warm, there was that slight mistiness in the air and that smell that comes with a change of season.
I am thinking now what I shall do in the garden this year. Last year it was sooooo neglected as I was unwell and I feel that I do need to put an extra effort in to make amends. Somehow though, there just never seems to be enough hours in the day for me. The day starts with the usual "getting ready" then I drive S to school, then get to work, pick S up most days, get home and organise dinner, put a load of washing on, sort out clothes for tomorrow, go for walk/jog - well it just seems to take up a lot of time. But the garden, well probably a weekend would get it ready. Mmmmm, have to think about that a bit more.
Plumber is coming tomorrow to finish of bathroom which is very exciting. Last night I went into my bathroom and there were 4 pairs of shoes, a pile of washing and two empty toilet rolls on the floor. Then I noticed that the snow white towels had huge grubby marks all over them! I will have to soak them to get them sparkly white again. What is it with boys!
I am off to the shops tonight to stock up on food. I have a nasty headache and have also noticed that I have a huge and unsightly pimple on my neck. I am also sick of eating vegan, low fat food. Anyway, that is my gripe for the day.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Went to Phillip Island for the weekend. What can I say. The place is about as boring as every other seaside place. Stayed in a very tired hotel down at Cowes. How it got a 4 star rating I just cannot say. But it was the only place we could get at the time. And it was only for one night, so that was okay. Did the tourist things - penguin parade and surf beach.
I guess for me, Phillip Island has always had a dubious reputation and maybe that is changing. It has developed into a highly commercial operation. This is a picture of me at Seal Rocks. I do remember being able to walk down to the rocks but now it is all platformed and you view things from there. I know it is for the benefit of the environment and the wildlife, but it does may things a little boring. The penguin parade was sooooo crowded, so full of tourists that I was surprised. At least the money goes back into the parks and wildlife so something good does come out of something so contrived.
S and I entertained ourselves at a kids indoor "thing" whilst K played music at the race track. There was enough for both of us to keep busy for three hours. Have to say, though, that the mini-golf lost it's appeal at 6th hole out in the sun and S kept saying "mum, don't use your feet to move the ball". There was nothing for me to eat but icy poles and a scone and coffee and subsequently I had a headache in the end. Both of us were bored in the end.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Bathroom tiling is almost finished. Looks very much like a public toilet. Friends are bemused by the fact that we seem to have gone back in time as far as the design and colour go. Personally I think we need lots of colour in our lives and the best way to start is in the morning. Yellow is yummy. The colour of sunshine and sunny days. Having a pedestal basin as well to complete the picture. Even thinking seriously about using that old fashioned mottled glass for the shower screen. Just do not fancy a shivery shower curtain! I am also getting a black heavy toilet seat to compliment the whole blast from the past.
On a much more dull note, I really need to say how much I hate drippy and wet days. You know the days when you step outside and there are lots of piddly puddles that splash up your leg and the rain soaks through everything. Today is one of those days. I think maybe a rainbow may appear as there is blue sky peeping out from behind the clouds.
S is home on the couch with a fever. Naturally I have ensured his diet is super healthy to help in the healing process. He started the day well being force fed muesli for breakfast. He thought it was so disgusting I was worried for a brief moment he was going to vomit it back up into his bowl. Got to work with me and ate fruit cake and cheese sticks. Then, after he fell asleep in the office chair, he came home and finished of the "health trip" with a bag of Smith's crisps, a warm Milo and some chocolate mousse. I did offer a number of healthy alternatives ie. fruit, but he declined. Mmmm, I think he will survive.
I suppose I better start the evening meal. Always something incredibly dull to take up my time. I may follow the cooking with some MORE IRONING as that seems to be my lot! I did three hours the other night and still there is more. I think it is someone elses. It may well be as it appears to be a while since I wore half the clothes and probably do not remember them!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
If it were up to me I would start work at 10.00 am, work for 2.5 hours, lunch, snooze for about an hour and then back to work until about 6.00 pm. Of course that would not work for everyone. Actually that is almost what I do.
Feel a need to go shopping soon. Looked at a most delicious website with lovely clothes and think this winter will be an all round spunky one. No more big bellies and bottoms oozing out of too tight clothes in clingy fabrics. Went to a lovely scarf shop and have decided I need to update. Saw the most divine one all pink with embroidered flowers on it. More like a pashmina actually. I really must buy one this year. A lovely pale pink pashmina (sounds like a song) and maybe a gorgeous black one. I love scarves. Oh, and gloves. Soft leather gloves in black or chocolate - maybe one pair of each. The other day whilst sorting through my clothes I realised that I actually own about 15 scarves and have a deep personal attachment to each and everyone of them. Still feel a need to own more though.
Also need to buy a coat. Maybe need is not the word - but want certainly is.
Roll on chilly winds and brisk air, I want those cosy clothes on my body now.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Had one of those productive days at home yesterday. Not necessarily exciting, but productive. Lots of washing and ironing done, a complete and very thorough clean of the bedroom, shifting furniture around and chasing dust bunnies from the corners of the loung room. It was such nice weather and S and I were home alone. So we chatted on and off during the day. Played a game of Sorry and he kept winning. I have to confess that I got really, really annoyed that he kept winning and at one stage I wanted to flip the board up. Lucky I am old enough to know not to do that sort of thing. But I was surprised how angry I felt. Then I won the last game and felt much better. Then we took lots of silly photos together. I have loaded the one least likely to offend!
I did manage to go to dear and favorite Chadstone shopping centre first thing in the morning. Bought some totally overpriced shoes which I was forced to take back today as they had a fault and now I have to wait until tomorrow until they are replaced. How annoying! Drifted into that lovely shop KikkiKi which sells the most divine stationary and boxes and bags. One day I will just splurge in there and come home with the most delightful matching stuff. I love their bags and all the bits and pieces. I think I have only bought one or two things in there as gifts. But I just think it fuels the imagination. Fortunately I ran out of time and had to come home before I squandered my $$$ away.
Tiler arrived at our house this morning. A very nice Russian who speaks about fifty words in english. Does lots of eye rolling and shoulder shrugging to communicate. The job is made more stressful for him by the fact that the room is 15mm out of square and all the tiles are 10cm x 10 cm and fiddly to lay. He pronounces the word ceramic as though it is keramic. So funny. We deal a lot with Russians at work. I can always tell when someone is speaking to one of "the Russians" as the entire converstation is very slow, very loud and repeated often.
Am about to continue to elimnate the pile of ironing. I am not sure how it has happened, but I really do feel as though my entire wardrobe and that of S & K's is in the ironing basket. I guess it does not help that I iron everything, sheets, tea towels, t-shirts, towels (to make them look neat) and anything else that has a crease in it. I like things to be neat in the cupboard.
Ho hum. Think I may play my banjo first. Need to remind myself of my total mediocrity once more.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Had one of those really lovely days where things just work out nicely. Slept in and took my time having breakfast whilst I read The Saturday Age newspaper. Had a leisurely shower, although was forced to clean it at the same time as have been so lazy and having had to share my bathroom for the past few weeks is most annoying and untidy. Boys are really untidy - even worse than me!
Had to go and work for one of my clients and decided to jump on the push bike and pedal my way there. Just such a nice day for it despite the headwind. The ride home was even better, it felt like I was going downhill all the way. I always feel good after exercise. Especially incidental exercise like bike riding.
When I got home I decided to take out the grocer's bike and go and do some food shopping. K said to me "You really don't care what anyone thinks do you?". What did he mean? Is it so strange to ride a 1950's grocers bike down the street? Anyway, made it there and back in the hour with a pretty hefty load of stuff. The bike has no gears so I am really working overtime at getting it moving. By the time I got home I really was so tired.
I have uploaded a picture of the bike - plus all the others we seem to have. It is the one with the big basket. So I guess it does look a bit funny really.
I am about to attack the huge pile of ironing that seems to be spreading like a nasty virus. Honestly, I just cannot work each day, organise food and dinner, do washing, ironing, exercise and be tidy as well. I may like to ride bikes from the 1950's but I will never be a 1950's housewife!
Not sure what is on tomorrow, but I know the days will be getting better and better.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
There is something about friends that you went to school with. It is like we are 16 again and the chitter chat is so much fun and so relaxed. No way are we letting our partners in on the deal - of that we are all in agreement. It is like we do not want to share each other in any way at all. So it will be Autumn when we meet, all the colours around start to changed and the weather is starting to cool down.
My favorite time of year is Autumn. I love getting out those lovely warm clothes, soft scarves and leather gloves ready for the coolness. I love going to the Botanical gardens and walking under those glorious trees with their reds, browns, yellows and lovely russet colours. When the wind blows all the leaves drift down and the grounds become a riot of fiery colours. Then you have those sunny days with blue sky where the mornings start off cool and then the day warms up and you can wear a t-shirt and enjoy the sun. The garden is moist and cool, waiting for bulbs, the earth smells clean when you dig the spade into it. Flowers start to fade and the garden beds are littered with fallen leaves and brown petals.
It is almost dream like on those perfect Autumn days. Melbourne really does turn out some wonderful weather. And I love sharing that with my friends.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
It is quite normal to spend an hour going through this process before I turn over and lie on my stomach, head in my arms, close my eyes and drift off.
Have bought myself a banjo. A very sweet 1930's one in such perfect to die for condition. Have been wanting one for so long and finally decided that it was high time I just got it. Unfortunately now the long journey is ahead to learn a tune. But I am happy if, by then end of the year, I can play half a dozen tunes - and basic ones at that.
Fortunately K can teach me quite a lot. One of the few times I cannot argue with him as he absolutely knows more than me about music. I mean, can I really compete with a man who plays paino, double bass, tuba and sousaphone? He just picked up the banjo and out came some tunes with no effort. So, I am certainly quite obedient when I am being shown scales.
I keep picking up the sweet banjo and looking at it with such tenderness. And the timber it is made of matches the antiques that we bought so perfectly. Which in itself is important when I have it in the same room. Style and colouring are always important, even in the musical world.
Our plans are to restump (but NOT level) the front of the house, skim plaster and repair the walls, repainting, recarpet and then get both fireplaces swept and in working order. So much more to do and once I get time I will post some photos up.
All in all very exciting.
Have decided the bathroom will be yellow and black with white accessories. Totally unfashionable.
In the mean time I will take some pics.