Autumn in Melbourne is beautiful. We still get very warm days but the mornings are hazy and cool. Today was divine. Clear blue sky, warm breeze and the sun shone brightly. I took Mr B for a walk late afternoon and the smell of freshly mowed lawns seemed to surround me. It had rained last night so perhaps that encouraged people to get out and tackle the garden.
I had to go back and read my last post to work out where I was at in my head then.
I've been to the pych's rooms twice since that last post. My anti depressants made me go into a hypomanic stage which sounds great but it was most unpleasant. I woke up one morning with a rush of abnormal energy (usually the first sign), high agitation (second sign), over confident (third sign), anxious (fourth sign) and so on. Also zero ability to concentrate and talking too much.
During the morning at work I managed to function productively and then an issue arose between a supplier. Something about non delivery of goods. Anyways, I got very cross. Actually, I lost it. Dropped the F bomb and then had to eat humble pie and apologise. I cannot say it was my finest moment.
For the ten days following that I had poor sleep. Not tired. Did not want to go to bed. Forced myself to go to bed most nights. Slept like shit. Nothing helped me sleep and my anxiety levels were through the roof. The Valium did not work at all. I may as well have taken a sugar pill. And I did not have a script for Temazepan. Overall it was a rather ratty time.
Last Wednesday I saw the psych and he confirmed that the new meds had caused the hypomanic state (which is why Bipolar 1 or 2 is, as a rule, with anti depressants alone). Soooo, I had to stop the anti depressants for two days only, get my sleep back in order and now I am back on track (I think).
I have a follow up consultation next Wednesday so crossing fingers. He laid down a few instructions about being more mindful about the sleep. If I am wide awake at 10.30pm and know that sleep is not going to come easily I will take something.
In between all that I have been doing the usual life stuff. I had four days off the other week. We had a long weekend so I took an extra day off. Although I did not do much we did all go to theatre and see a one man play called "Wot No Fish". It was based on a true story and was the most fantastic play. I had booked it weeks ago and was a bit nervous wondering what K and S would think of it. I need not have worried. The both loved it. It was a moving and humorous experience. If it ever comes close to where you can see it I cannot recommend it highly enough.
We also bought a new rug for our newly polished floors. I have come to the conclusion that my house is just one big eclectic mix of stuff. The rug is patterned and has a black background. The pattern is almost Art Nouveau and could almost clash with things were it not for the fact I live in the house and don't give a shit. No smooth clean lines with neutral colours for me. I like movement. Natural materials. Colours. Stories behind each item that arrives in the house. Sometimes, though, I visit someone who has a house that is modern and streamlined and that too has its own appeal.
I've been drawing quite a bit and am now planning to sell some of my drawings. A few people have asked to buy and it's only now I am okay with letting go of things I do. In my mind this is a good shift. Plus, it's nice to think of someone wanting a piece of my artwork. The little flower drawing I have uploaded is destined for the UK.
Exercise, I hate it and love it. Recently I increased my cardio and my weights just to push myself out of my lazy comfort zone and as a result I feel physically much better. Stronger. Healthier. Last Monday I did some leg exercises that left my butt feeling as though someone had booted me very hard. It was bruised. I think it was the 100 step ups with a knee lift while carrying 7kg weights in each hand.
Trouble is when you get older you have to work a lot harder to get reasonable results. My body just won't do what it used to do without my breaking into a sweat at least four or five times a week.
My son went to his school formal a couple of weeks ago. He looked so handsome in his suit. Before the formal he had gone to a house party held by one of his friend's mother. There were around 60 boys there and there was food to eat. Most of the boys brought drinks with and S was one. When I came home from work he was sitting at the computer looking extremely happy and slightly red eyed. He also smelt of cider. So, it would be fair to say he was a bit drunk.
So he went to the formal feeling pretty happy.
I was speaking to him the other day about a few things. We got onto the topic of the Internet. I know I have mentioned that I removed all posts that had photos of S on my blog (hence no photo of his formal). I never upload his photo of FB without his express permission. On his own FB he has a different surname to me and very few personal photos. He leaves a few cyber footprints as he can.
At school he is doing software development and at home he is a computer nerd. All his web browsing and usage is done through a proxy most of the time. He wants next to nothing about him on the web as he said you never know how it will impact his career prospects in later years. It's interesting to hear that from him.
I have to tell you that I have been sitting here for almost two hours thinking of what to write. It's not that I have nothing to say or that nothing has happened, it's just that I am just in stare mode. Though I have been watching tv at the same time and reading stuff on the internet.
Well, it is now 10.30pm and I have to go to bed.
ps - not reading this back to check all okay.