So it has been over a month since I last did a post. But that is okay because I've been busy just living life and things have been pretty good.
The usual stuff has been happening. Weekly psych visits. Work. Walk dog, although not so much because I get home late most weekdays and then the weekends are just full of getting ready for the week ahead. My art work is still sitting on the back burner just waiting for some attention and that is probably the one thing I feel a bit annoyed about.
I am trying to think of what has been happening and in what order but I will just say it as it happens.
Firstly I am going off my mood stablisers. I would like to say it is because I am no longer bipolar and all is well. However, it is not so simple. I had a bone density test not long ago and it came back surprisingly bad. Even the doctor was surprised considering my outstanding blood tests and fit lifestyle. Then he looked up my history and saw that I took Epilim which has a history of reducing bone density. The upside is that the bone density loss can be reversed if I go off the drug, stick to my CrossFit and use and get more hormones back into my body. Oh, and no running allowed due to the risk of fracture - can't say I am sorry about that one!
When I then saw the psych and asked if he knew that he said no. I then said "well you do now" and we then talked about getting off the Epilim and going onto another drug called Lamictal. I had actually planned to go off the Epilim onto another drug called Tegratol due to the creeping weight gain that goes hand in hand with Epilim. However, Tegratol has the same bone density issue so that was out.
Part of me thought the psych should have known and warned me but then I figured that he knows now and I just wanted to move forward. Also, I may well have had bone density issues prior as people can just be that way.
I have reduced my meds by more than half and I kid you not, I feel completely normal. It's a bit unsettling because I never really trust that feeling as it is never long lasting. But I am cruisy. Not overly reactive to work stress. Sleep well. My coping skills are normal. On the rare day I wake up anxious I take something but that is a very rare thing.
It's almost too good to be true. A lot of this is due to my extensive therapy in my mind.
But, there is one down side. I have nerve pain on one side of my face and the Epilim helped that. If I do get a bit stressed or over tired it flares up and feels like someone has punched the right hand side of my face and the shooting pains are very, very uncomfortable. Lamictal will help that.
There is one concern about going onto Lamictal. It has to be introduced slowly as it may cause a skin disorder called Stevens Johnson Syndrome which is very, very disturbing. Fortunately it is rare so I figure it is worth the risk. Although I would be very fucked off if I drew the short straw on this one.
I have thought of taking nothing but can't make that call until I am off the meds completely. I can put up with the nerve pain I guess but I really do not want to have a relapse and be back to micro managing my bipolar. It is just too hard.
I went shopping on Ebay a couple of weeks ago and bought a tall boy chest of drawers. It is about 100 years old at least. For years I have wanted one but the price was insanely prohibitive so i just waited and waited until one I liked and could afford would appear. And it did. Needless to say we had to drive miles away to pick it up but it was worth it. So I took a photo of my bedroom and you can see it on the right.
I love my bedroom. It is a place of peace. When I first moved out of home I made sure I bought a lovely vintage bed. My bed linen was nice. It's always been important to me to have a bedroom that is a pleasure to sleep in. I spend a lot of time in bed so I want to be happy in that space.
I had a lot of things to write up tonight but they have slipped my mind. So I will talk about something that is with me pretty much everyday.
CrossFit. Yes, I have become one of those people who loves CrossFit. My son calls it a cult but I don't care. It's been a great exercise regime for me and I will continue to do it as long as I enjoy it. I now go four times a week. It means that Monday to Friday sees me not home until 7.30 pm which is okay as I don't start work until later in the morning.
It does mean that I have to be very organised on the weekend to make sure things run smoothly for me during the week. Food has to be planned. Laundry organised. By Sunday night everything is in place to make sure that I don't have to think too much about what I will wear or what I will eat. The food for K and S is there for them to cook as I don't eat when they do. It's working out very well and without too great an effort. I realised it actually only takes a few hours if I break it up into little blocks.
Work has been okay. The stress issue finally sorted itself out in my head after months of talking about it to the psych. He gave me strategies which I just used over and over consciously and then one day I just changed. I also told work that from next year onwards I would work four days a week. That was a difficult decision but the right one and once I decided to make the change it felt okay.
My son is still enjoying the life of "almost student". He built himself a new computer and felt very pleased with himself. So he plays on the computer. Sleeps in until late. He has applied for lots of jobs online but not much is around. However he has joined the gym which is at the end of our street and goes nearly every second night with K. Such a cruisy kind of young man. I'm happy that he is happy. Life in the big world will come soon enough.
My Mr Benny is adorable. When I first got him as a puppy I had no idea how much of a buddy he would be to me. At night he sleeps inside. We cover the couch all over with a thick blanket and he sleeps on it. Once I go to bed though he comes into the hallway and sleeps there for a few hours and then comes into the bedroom and sleeps right beside my side of the bed all curled up. He won't leave the bedroom until I wake up and let him outside. Even if K is up and about.
So, not much else. Not that I can recall right now and it is very late (11.35) so maybe I should go to bed.
I can't sleep in tomorrow because someone is coming at 9.00am.
PS the weather has been great.