Tuesday 18th June

I have a new pet.

It's a Troll.  I found it on this post here I did earlier in March.  If you scroll down you can see the beautiful relationship my pet troll and I have established.

I am not sure if it is a male or female.  Something about the writing suggests a female.

My troll is successful.  And part of a group of learned and creative colleagues.  I feel honoured that my troll has taken it upon themselves to do their best to help me be a more interesting person.  They even gave me a compliment and offered me an opportunity to show I have an opinion of some intelligence but I declined.   I like how my troll has slipped in a few spelling mistakes to bring themselves down to my level.  It's very thoughtful of them.

I know they say "don't feed the troll" but my inherent kind self cannot stop.  I hate to see any creativity starve.  It's in my nature to acknowledge others.  Besides, since my blog is so incredibly bland and boring, I feel it is a wonderful chance to spice it up a bit.

I'd like a name for my troll.  Since I don't know the gender of the troll I will have to make the name non gender specific.

Robyn?  Robin?

Marian?

Evelyn?

Lesley?  Leslie?

Thing?

The list could be endless.

Ciao
LC

Sunday 16th June

Seagull painting - long gone

I'm having a lazy day today.  All I have managed to do is make the bed.  Went for a walk with K and Mr Benny to have a coffee down the street.  Not much else.  I've got a list of things that I should be doing but my mind and body are at odds.  Plus the things I should be doing are very low in the interest factor.  They involve paperwork.

I have uploaded a photo.  When my niece moved in with us prior to Christmas last year I had to make a lot of decisions about getting rid of stuff to make room for her in the house.  Apart from a lot of my son's toys and games I decided to throw out a most hideous painting I did ages ago.  I KNOW it is hideous and certainly don't mind confessing to it.  After K dropped it off I asked him to go back and take a photo of it.  It just looked so funny sitting there.

Often I walk past charity shops and there will be some awful painting in the window for sale.  Some bush scene with a cow in it.  Or a cabin by a stream.  I look at them and know exactly how they got there.  Now I wonder if my seagull painting ever turned up in the window of a charity shop.  Someone would have walked by and laughed at it just as I have laughed at other people's work.  Not laughing in an unkind way.  It's just funny.

I can't imagine anyone bought it.

But I can imagine somebody laughed at it.

Ciao
LC

Saturday 15th June

PixCell Red Deer - Kohei Nawa

I woke up this morning very early.  It didn't matter though as my son was going to work today and had to be ready to go at 7am.  K was up early getting ready for a bike ride.  I lay in bed for a while listening to the sounds of an early morning.

My sleep had been disappointing and as I lay in bed I debated whether or not to shut my eyes and try to get back some of the sleep I had lost.  The down side of that is that I may well sleep until late in the morning and feel resentful that some of my day has been eaten up with sleeping in.  With that thought I got out of bed.  The time may have been about 6.45 am which, for me, is very early.

S was ready to go to work and was just waiting to be picked up.  He and I chatted for a while until his lift arrived at around 7.15am.  I decided to take advantage of being up so early and take Mr Benny for a walk.  It was about 5km's and he and I were home before 8am.  It's not often I am out of the house at that time.  And definitely a rare event to be out walking with Mr B.  It's usually in the evening I do that.  Still, it's a nice thing to do.  Walk early in the morning around the quiet streets.  Mr B was full of morning energy which meant I had to keep the walk brisk.

My day seemed longer.  My niece is back home after house sitting for a friend over the past three weeks.  The house has been quieter and so it was nice to chatter inanely again.  She had been out dancing at a club until 3am in the morning and the early morning household noises woke her up.  She was like a zombie this morning.  Now she has gone away for the weekend with her new squeeze.

I have had an average week or two with feeling unwell.  I ended up having an MRI yesterday.  I was loathe to have one and waxed and waned about the whole thing, even contemplating cancelling the appointment on Thursday but agreed to go just to put other people's minds at rest.  Now I have that out of the way I can just get on with things.

When you get an MRI here they give you the films to take with you as well as emailing the results to the referring doctor.  The first thing I did when I got home was take the films out and look at them.  I can't imagine what I thought I would see.  It's the same as when something happens to my car, I lift the bonnet and look at the engine despite not having a clue what it all means.  So why I even bothered to look at the MRI films makes me laugh.

After studying each film (some upside down and back to front) I came to the conclusion that it appeared I had intestines inside my head.  I said to my husband that after careful analysis of the information I decided there was nothing wrong as there was no arrow pointing to a white spot anywhere.  In fact, I think I was looking at series of Rorschach tests.

After all that I lost interest.  If there is anything serious you can bet I would have had a phone call on the same day of the MRI.  However, I do still have to make a follow up appointment with the doctor to discuss where to take things from here.  There is no rush on my part.  I hate having to do anything that requires making an appointment.  It's inconvenient and overwhelming.

Before I went for the MRI I told only those who needed to know (outside of blog).  This was my husband, son and niece and also work.  Not my brother, mother etc.  The reason being is that there was nothing to report.  What is the point in worrying about something that is speculative?   Anyway, on the morning I was having the MRI my brother rang up to discuss it.  Bossman had opened his big fat mouth and told my brother because he felt that my brother should know (his words to me in the afternoon).  With a big sigh I explained to my brother why I was having the MRI and that I was certain that nothing was wrong but it still had to be done.  

Naturally my brother took the "that's really bad Linda, I am very worried now" mindset.  Which is the very reason I did not see the need to discuss it.  The last thing I want is anyone fussing and worrying.  It positively shits me.  Sure, I know he cares but I don't need him to worry.

So my son worked all day today on building sites.  Initially he did not want to work when the opportunity arose but I explained to him (once again) that if he wants things in life (Xbox games etc.) the source of money was not coming out from his parent's bank account, especially when there is the option of weekend work.  He got the drift.  Later on today my husband said that he did not want S to work every Saturday because he did not want S to miss out on enjoying his weekends.  I said that if S wants things he has to work.  He has to learn the culture of work, of how to work an interact with other people and he has to learn to get off his arse and engage with the world.  It's all part of growing up.

I hate to do the "I walked to school barefoot in the snow when I was young" routine but I am going to. I worked part time from the age of fourteen otherwise there was no money for my clothes or shoes (unless for school).  It's important to work.  My son is fortunate enough that he is able to get weekend work and so should take advantage of it.  Anyway, it's not really negotiable.  There's work for him, he has to make the effort.  I am pleased to say that he works well.  I made it clear to those he works with that all I expect them to do is keep him safe on site.  No special treatment.

Now he is plonked at the computer.  He admitted that it was a good feeling knowing that he worked and earnt money today.  That's a good thing.

Now evening is here and I am about to take out my drawing stuff and do some doodling.

Make a silly sketch.

Then go to bed and hopefully sleep.

Ciao
LC

Sunday 9th June

I had a fabulous Sunday out with friends at the National Gallery of Victoria.  We went to the Monet's Garden exhibition (which was fantastic) and after that we had High Tea at the gallery.  

In the morning I ate a small breakfast in anticipation of the afternoon treat in store.  I was not disappointed.  The four of us shared these two cake tiers of yummy food. 

Normally I would have just eaten some of the savouries and then a scone.  However, I had already decided that it was to be a day of decadence.  It was hard work, but I managed to eat most of my share. The top layer was just a sugar hit.  I felt positively ill as I ate the head of a marzipan caterpillar (body having preceded it).  My stomach ached from the overload of rich food. 

It was lovely to catch up with the Oxfam girls and not be wearing Lycra.  

I wore my fab new coat.  Believe it or not, it is an Australian designed coat that was cheaper for me to buy from the US (including postage) than it was to buy here.  

We then jumped on the train and headed home.

Now, at 8pm at night, I have not the slightest desire to eat a single thing.

Lovely!

Ciao
LC

Friday 7th June

Last year some time

It's been a most unproductive week for me.  Although I went to work everyday it was interrupted by having to leave early to go to the doctors or arrive late because I had been to the hearing test I needed.

This morning I was late for a completely selfish reason.  I caught up with my niece for breakfast in a local cafe.  She has been away for two weeks house sitting.  It was great to chat for a couple of hours.

So, on Thursday I went and had the hearing test.  I have never had one previous to this.  What a laborious process.  My hearing had resolved itself by Wednesday afternoon so I felt like a bit of a dill going there with my ears feeling reasonably normal.  I felt I had a cold and wondered if that would make a difference.

As it was, my hearing was within the normal range so I figured that was the end of that and no further follow up was required.  However, the audiologist said that she was going to strongly recommend to my doctor that I have an MRI as I have had a number of other things happening that need to be investigated.  Her words were "If it were me having these symptoms I would most definitely have an MRI".  Hmmmm.  Just what I do not want to hear.

Personally I am a bit fucked off about it all as I am so certain that it is a waste of my time but I think that is because I have, over the years, had a number of health scares that have turned out to be nothing and so these days I just think it is a pain in the bum to have to take time off work to follow this sort of thing up.

I was going to leave getting it done until after the end of the financial year (June 30th) as it is a busy time at work for me, however, upon reflection, I think I would worry if I left it.  I also know that K would not allow me to ignore it.

I have been very lazy in the exercise department.  I am quite tired at the moment and not too inclined to sweat it out at the gym.  Last night I was on the way to a body pump class and had an SMS from my friend who normally does the class with me.  She is very unwell with a virus so I decided to go and visit her instead of going to class.  We had cups of tea and chocolate cake.  Believe me, it was a much nicer option.  I managed to get to the gym tonight for an hour so that was okay.  Tomorrow I will be back there in the afternoon.

The other reason I have backed off the exercise a bit is because I am drawing more.  I only have a certain amount of hours in the week that I can consider my own and do not want to spend it going to the gym. It's important to me to attend to my creative needs as it is an urge that won't go away no matter what. Plus, I don't want it to go away.  I like feeding the urges.  So,  I cancelled a part of my membership that offered upgraded facilities and high octane classes as I hardly used them.  The times I did I found I had significant joint pain the few days afterwards which is no doubt related to my mild arthritis.

Busy weekend ahead for me.  On Sunday I am off the the art gallery to see a Monet exhibition followed by afternoon tea with the Oxfam girls.  One of the girls suggested we walk into the city.  My answer was a big NO.  Afternoon tea in lycra?  I don't think so.  She was only joking but I felt a bit sick at the prospect of a big walk like that.  Funny how you just don't like something that was okay beforehand.

It's a three day weekend so I intend to do a lot of drawing.  Write some poetry and just relax.  Take my mind off this week's events and enjoy myself.  Take Mr Benny for a walk or two. Go for a drive somewhere.  My son has downloaded Game of Thrones for me to watch which is something I am looking forward to.

So, that is it for now.

A day in the life of a middle aged woman.

Ciao
LC

Wednesday 5th June

UK Holiday - 2008

Last night I came home from work and was very domesticated.  Cooked a roast dinner.  The night before I was also domesticated.  And the night before.  I think that is my limit because tonight I am not cooking a thing.   I don't really like cooking unless it is a cake.  Or biscuits.

Some people just love cooking.  In particular, cooking dinner.  Or having dinner parties.  I can handle that if it is Christmas but that is about it.  The last thing I want to do is spend an entire day preparing a meal that is eaten in a short time.  Then the cleaning up.  The word boring comes to mind.

I work with someone who loves cooking.  Planning the meal.  Preparing the ingredients (the more, the merrier).  Then cooking it.  Followed by eating.  There are times where she will have 15 people over for lunch or dinner.  My brother loves cooking dinner.   Big juicy roasts.  Weird vegetable concoctions.   Giant vats of sloppy, creamy soup that are a mix of tinned and fresh ingredients.

However, despite my dislike for cooking I have made a decision to lift my game a bit and make the effort to be more organised about food. Plus a bit more diverse in what I dish up.  Honestly, there is a limit to how often pasta can be the deal of the day.  And I don't want the humble sausage to be a diet staple.  I also need to set a good example to my son.  To show him that cooking is a part of life and to also show him how to cook.  Last night I was making gravy from scratch and he asked me how it was done.  I started to explain the process to him and he zoned out.  Said something about how he could "Google" it should he need to make gravy one day.

Although I don't particularly like cooking, I do believe it is important to know the basics of cooking.  It's also important to make the effort to eat well and provide healthy food for family.  It's all well and good to be able to go out and buy prepared food but it's not economical. Plus it loses its appeal very quickly.  When we go overseas there is something nice about coming home and having a home cooked meal.

By the way, K does cook but his menu is extremely limited.  This is a man who had tins of sausages and vegetables stacked high in the pantry and thought that to be the height of cuisine.

Baking cakes and biscuits don't come under the guise of cooking to me.  I think that is because they are not part of "survival" in the scheme of things.  One does not have to bake a cake, one wants to.  You don't need a cake to provide sustenance, but you do need one to have with a nice cup of tea.

Tomorrow my son has exams.  Because of that he has today off to study.  I think he has only done an hour of study today.  He's nervous but I told him that it was normal to be nervous.  One thing I said to him that he can only do his best and that his exam results won't be the be all and end all of his success in life.

During the course of the conversation we got onto the topic of school reports.  I dug up my old ones from high school.  My results were very mixed.  It depended on the teacher.  One year I had top marks for English, the next year I failed.  Same with Art and Maths.  The only subject I consistently excelled in was Instrumental Drawing - which was the subject that would have led me into Architecture had I known how to go into that field.

My son noted how all the teachers hand wrote their reports.  Now everything is done my computer.  Lots of copy and paste, bits and bytes.  A black dot midline somewhere on a chart that tells you how your child is going.   After seeing my reports he took out his old ones from primary school.  Looked at his projects, funny drawings and bad spelling.  He thanked me for keeping all his stuff.  There's a lot to be said for being sentimental.  I also keep lots of his things because they are not mine to throw away.  It's part of his life.

S started talking about things at school.  He told me that a friend of his had started smoking a pipe.  I did not laugh, but really, the sight of a sixteen year old puffing on a pipe is very funny.  He smokes it behind the school.  I said something about zoo breath and then asked if S had a try.  He said he didn't and I believe him.  If he had said yes I would have asked him what he thought of it.  I am not sure what else I would say, maybe I would just say that perhaps it was better not to go down the track of smoking and cite a few reasons (bad breath, shit teeth, shit skin and possible cancer).  But he knows that anyway.

He also told me that the same friend smokes weed once a month.  Who knows if that is true, but it did lead me to the talk of whether or not S would smoke dope if the opportunity arose.  He said he would probably try it because of peer pressure.  I said that if he chooses to smoke dope, or do other drugs,  it should not be because of peer pressure. I really wanted to say "don't fucking smoke dope, please, please just don't go there, you don't need it".  But I didn't.  He did rethink about the peer pressure thing and agreed with not doing things just because others are doing it.  I told him that the best thing he can learn in life early is that it is okay to say no.  It's not just okay, it's important to be strong and true to himself with what he chooses to do in life.

We chatted a while about the whole drug thing.  In the end I said that only he can make the choice about what he does in life and not just in relation to drugs but everything.  Part of me wanted to say "S, I would be devastated if you got into drugs" but he knows that anyway and I also want him to not feel he has to protect me and so not keep the dialogue open should he try.

The one thing he mentioned that it did make a difference having family members (my younger sister, my nephew, K's cousin's son) who had experienced negative drug use because he could see the consequences when things get out of hand.

This morning I wondered if I handled it all properly.  Should I have asked if he would tell me if he tried drugs?  Who knows.

As a parent you can only do your best and a bit more.

Then it is up to the child.

I just rang S at home to see how he was going with his studying.   He said that he was fine.  Then I asked him if he had eaten.  He said that he had.  Some kabana and a piece of chocolate cake.

See, cakes are important.

Ciao
LC

Monday 3rd June

Coney Island US - April 2011

My weekend ended all too soon and it seemed as though I had not even had one.  The thing is with time off is that you want just that little bit more time off.  I can't complain, this weekend is another three day one and I feel very lucky.

The weekend was very relaxed.  Lots of rain encouraged me to spend time inside and potter around.  I ended up watching two movies.  One was The Life Of Pi and the other was The Impossible. Both were very enjoyable.  I like watching movies on rainy weekends.  It gives me an excuse to just plonk.

Today I had to leave work early to go to the doctor's.  During the night I had woken up with a loud "snap" noise in my right ear and my hearing gone.  By the morning I felt a bit ill with the pain of it as well as the dizzy sensation that went with no hearing in one ear.  My right ear has actually been an issue for about 18 months and I have ignored it.  Even today I had intended to take the "wait and see" road but the pain of it got all a bit much by lunchtime.   After the doctor visit I now have to go and get my hearing tested and after that to a specialist to see if there is something going on behind the ear.  At the moment it is not so bothersome, still not hearing very well.  Naughty ear.

I saw a different doctor today.  She is young.  I think I may almost be old enough to be her mother.  The other night I was out driving and had to have a random breath test.  The policewoman who gave it to me was so, so young.  It reminded me how my mother in law once said that you know you were getting older when the police looked too young.  I guess I am there now.

On Friday I bought some CD's.  One was a Madonna compilation.  Went back quite a way.  Some of the songs I remember from the early 1980's.  I remember when she became popular.  All that make up, torn clothes and lace gloves.  I loved it.  Bought myself a skirt that had holes in it.  Scrunched my hair and put on loads of make up.  Between her and Kate Bush I embraced the whole scruffy, tatty, dark eyes and wild hair look.

Many years ago I worked in corporate.  I dressed like a man when I went to work.  Tailored, narrow legged trousers, shirt and tie, suit jacket.  Flat shoes, no high heels.  But my hair was long and big.  I never brushed it. Ever. I kid you not.  The only time my hair saw a brush in two or three years was when I went to the hairdressers.  I would wash it, put product in it, blow dry it with my head tipped upside down and then go to work.  It  got knotty at one stage and I found a pen lid trapped inside the workings of tangled hair.  I topped the whole untidy look with plenty of make up.  Looking back, it was most likely a bit rebellious as I was asked to wear a skirt and I refused.  As far as I was concerned they could go and get fucked.  My clothes were great even if my hair was untidy.  It never stopped me doing my work.  Nor did it stop me getting promotions.

I can't get away with being so scruffy now.  When you have grey hair and get to a certain age you kind of have to be careful or it is very easy to look like a crazy woman.

Another CD I bought was one with music by Sixto Rodriguez.  I only recently heard of him.  But he has been around since the late 1960's.  He went in and out of music scene and then became popular again, quite by accident, in the 1990's.  He ran for Council in Detroit in 1989. His music is great and he had played in Melbourne a couple of years ago.  Now I have heard his music, I wish I had seen him.

The last CD was The Best Of Simon and Garfunkel.  I have all their records from my youth. I loved their music then.  Now when I listen to it I am taken back to my teenage years.  By then they had been and gone.  When I was about 18 years old, they did that reunion concert in Central Park and there was a resurgance of interest in their music.  I was into them prior to that concert but when it happened it was so exciting to get the record of it later on. Now and then I watch that concert on YouTube and think how fantastic it must have been to be part of that huge crowd.  The atmosphere must have been electric.

You know, I am just watching that concert on YouTube now and I remember how Paul Simon was my teenage "crush".  I loved his beautiful face and intelligent eyes.  Ah, the bliss of teenage adulation.

Oh, awful thing.  I am not having coffee for the next few weeks.  This is in the hope of making sleep a bit better.  It is the last resort.  I am very sad about it because I love coffee.  The smell of it, the taste, the process of making it or getting it made for me.  It's great.  Oh, well, I shall just treat it as a habit I have to break.

In the meantime I have been having chamomile tea.

I might have one now.

Ho hum that is.

Ciao
LC