|Christmas Card design 2014|
Sigh. Here it is. The last month of the year. I had things I wanted to do but didn't do them this year. At least, I feel as though I had things I wanted to do and it feels like I did not do them. I just don't exactly know what they are. These unknown things. It's the feeling I know. The year feels more unfinished than it should considering we are only weeks away to the end of it.
As you can see, I finished my Christmas card design and have ordered some online so that I can post them. It's a funny thing with my art work. It's the only time in my life I am truly not fussed if other people do not like what I have done. It's nice when people do like it and I appreciate their words but if nobody said a single thing about my drawings I'd be okay with that too. I think it is because my creative side is me. Don't ask me what the other side is. It's that other person. You know, the one that functions out in the world.
So it's been over a week since my last post. I have been busy I guess. Work was a bit more shite than usual last week. My anxiety levels were the usual blah blah but because I was able to attribute it to work it was different. Sleep patterns changed and by Friday I was extremely fragile, teary, depressed and have started to pick up now. This is boring I know but, hey, you are reading it so I figure maybe you just get it. I'm recognising a pattern of mood swings now which is helpful for me even if I do not like them. I remember when first I went to the psychiatrist he said that, as a rule, a bipolar person will always experience noticeable mood swings and that we just wanted them to be manageable and non intrusive.
When he said that to me I thought "not me, I am going to be different. I will have normal run of the mill moods". I've stopped thinking that way. I've accepted that I almost never have an idea what mood I will wake up in. It's been like that for ever.
On Friday night we went out to the work Christmas function. I made a decision to go to the hairdressers to have my hair washed and blow dried. Not my regular hair dresser though, just someone local. When I got there she asked me what I had in mind and I said something like "Oh, with a bit of volume and a wave at the end. Sort of 70's but not so over the top". What she must have heard was "Hey, I'm going to a 70's party and I want to look like an extra out of Priscilla Queen of the Desert".
I'm thinking a bit of modern take on Raquel Welch so I was okay when I saw the hair rollers go in the hair. But then she started back combing the hair and at that point I realised that my hair was not going to look how I wanted it to. There is something that happens a woman once seated in the chair at a new hairdressing salon. The power of speech is taken from you. The ability to assert yourself is swept from you. You become helpless. And so, that was me. Helpless as I watched my hair rise like a white beacon from my head. Multi layers of hairspray raising it higher and higher until, the icing on the cake was the glitter that she sprayed over the surface as though I was going to be the glitter ball of the night.
Of course, I said it looked great and paid her. But really I was thinking "how do I get to the car without anyone seeing me". Once in the car I could feel the top of my hair touch the roof lining. On the way home I intermittently shook my head and ran my fingers through it to bring down the volume. At home my son said I looked like an actor out of a 1970's sitcom.
It settled down to a groovy style and matched my false eyelashes so I felt okay to head out for the evening.
It was a late night and as a result I only had five hours sleep, woke up depressed and crying and decided I was too down to go the to Swedish Christmas Bazaar (my most favorite event of the year). As I lay in bed with eyes closed and started to drift into the sleep of misery I then decided that I was not letting my mood rule my day. Since I was feeling shit anyway I may as well do things while I feel that way. Lying in bed would make it worse anyway - this I have learnt. I got up, showered, dressed and got ready for the day. Then K came back from bike riding and we went to the Christmas Bazaar together.
Unbeknownst to me K was feeling out of sorts due to, shall we say, over indulgence of the liquid kind at the work party and all day he was rather quiet. It didn't stop him eating the fabulous Danish nosh at the place and even I didn't hold back. It felt like being a kid again. So we walked around, bought a few things and then headed home. I was so glad I just ignored the urge to stay in bed.
So the rest of the weekend was spent just doing normal stuff that people do in life. Food shopping, laundry, tidy etc.
One thing did happen. We threw out a big floor rug that had seen better days. It was a bit nostalgic as my son was four months old when we bought that. He learnt to crawl on it. However it had reached the end of it's life and could not be cleaned as, being hemp, the cost to clean it was greater than the $450 we paid for it. So we are not on the look out for a new rug. It may seem that getting rid of a floor rug is not worthy of mention but along with the rug removal came the arrival of two new recliner chairs.
Yes, after five years of agonising (me being the agoniser) we went out an purchased two recliner chairs. They are very modern, totally and insanely comfortable and would almost be out of place in our home were it not for the cherry red colour of the leather and the dark timber base. They are so modern that they fit in. After almost 25 years of having adhoc old arm chairs that are not comfortable and very small, we are now the owners of two delicious armchairs that are made for falling asleep in.
Plus, you can get an extra for them. A computer table to put your lap top on! So I am saving my pennies for that now.
Bossman called them ugly.
Well, the night is all but over and bed calls.