I told a lie today. Well, kind of a lie. What I did was keep my mouth shut about something I already knew. Bossman rang to tell me that E was leaving in a week. I had already been informed by E himself and I chose not to say anything. I feigned a low level of surprise, very low. Now I feel a bit meh about doing that because I prefer to be honest. It's not a nice feeling I now have inside but it will pass. Oh well. It would have been easier had Bossman just told me when he found out which was last Monday.
As a result of this person leaving Bossman and his lovely family have cancelled their camping trip that was organised for next week. Their life will be under stress while they sort through it all. As there is a family connection (wife and E's wife are sister's) there is some tension there. They all had Christmas together and this was being organised by E the whole time. Bossman is past the anger stage so now has to get into the action stage.
He said to me "no loyalty from anyone Linda, except for you, I always know you will be there". To which I replied "well if I ever go you can bet I will give you waaaaaaay more than a weeks notice". We had a laugh about that. Thinking about what he is going through right now pales into insignificance when I compare it to my bit of angst over keeping something to myself.
It's been a moseying around weekend. Yesterday was relaxing. I pottered around the house just cleaning things up and throwing things out. I felt normal. Normal in that way where I don't have to think about my mood at all. In the past (let's call it BE - before Epilim) I had either ups or downs and no real in betweens. Or what I thought were in between stages were kind of just reprieves. Now I get longer stages of a definite untroubled day.
I said the the psych last week that I did not want to take this frame of mind for granted. He agreed but also said to just go with it and to be aware of any changes. Ho hum.
It's sunny outside today. This weekend has been sunny in general. I've been doing lots of washing and hanging it out to flap in the breeze. I love days that are breezy and warm with the blue sky and sunshine gazing down into everyone's backyards. I can hear the leaves on my beautiful weeping Elm rustle and they sound reminds me of the beach.
I often think about the beach. The sand and the water. The pleasure it offers for nothing. That's the thing about nature isn't it? Its beauty is free and yet what we get from it is so enriching. I cannot imagine anything in our material, consumeristic world that matches it.
My little world has suburban nature. Many bugs. Trees. A small variety of birds. I'm out of touch with what I call "big nature". Sometimes I think about going on a camping trip and the reality of it comes to mind (bugs in particular). That alone is enough to change my mind.
My niece has been travelling with her partner up along the coast. She posts photos of her trip on her Instagram page here. The photos are great and make me think I need to get out more. Though, one has to keep in mind that it's easier for her to get out and about. She does not work full time. She has no children. It allows her to live a fairly free life. But, those few things aside, she just does stuff. She gets out and does them despite her health issues (Lyme's disease).
But I know that B has things in the back of her mind that bother her. Financial security. It's not much fun being 35 and living with your Aunt. A while ago she made a joke about S leaving home before her. Her health worries her. The treatment she has is costly and comes with no guarantees for the chance of a full recovery. There have been days where she can barely get out of bed but thankfully they are getting less and less. For that B is very grateful. Recently she talked to me about the purpose of life if a person has no children. I said children give a different purpose and not the only purpose. Plenty of people have no children and live very purposeful lives.
It was some guy asking for Crystal. I said he had the wrong number and then ended the phone call. A few minutes later I had another sms from the same number asking if my name was Crystal. I replied no. He then said that someone called Crystal had given my number out from a chat site. I replied that I was most definitely not her nor was I on any chat site. He responded with something like "oh, yeah, okay sorry about that. ha ha". Ha ha my arse. I hope she is not handing out my number all over town.
After being woken up at 1.00 am I finally drifted off to a dream filled sleep only to be woken up by K's alarm at 5.30am. Yes, that's right. Nice and early. He was off to a car show today and had to be up early to meet up with the other cars at 7.00 am.
Then I again fell into a dream filled sleep. My own alarm woke me up. I had forgotten to turn it off. By this stage I was so tired that I crashed back to sleep until 9.00 am and woke up to a dribble soaked pillow and creases in my left cheek. Nothing like the deep sleep that makes the body sag into the bed.
Sooooo, today I have been a bit anxious, a bit tired and not managed to get much done as I would have liked. The phone call from Bossman probably made me more anxious that I need to be as the crappy sleep makes me more sensitive. Which I know is the same for many, many people. Tonight will be an early night and no movie watching.
So that is my weekend almost done. After this I will go inside and get my clothes ready for the week.
Organise my gym gear so that it's easy to pack the night before work.
Sounds all so very exciting.